***

A small boy at Egham, arrested for breaking a bottle on the highway, said that he did it to puncture motor tyres.  If the daily bag included only one Army motor-car, with nothing better than a Staff-Colonel as passenger, the entertainment was considered to be well worth the risk.

***

“If I saw the last pheasant I would kill it and eat it,” says Lord Kimberley.  Food hog!

***

We hear that, as a result of Herr Michaelis’ disclaimer, the Germans are about to appoint a Commission to find out who (if anybody) is carrying on the War.

***

Women have reinforced the bell-ringers at Speldhurst, Kent.  As no other explanation is forthcoming, we can only suppose they are doing it out of malice.

***

A man charged at a London Police Court with being drunk stated that he had been drinking “Government ale.”  It appears now that the fellow was an impostor.

***

Another man who wrote a letter protesting against the weakness of the official stimulant inadvertently addressed his letter to the Metropolitan Water Board.

***

A correspondent who has just spent a day in the country hopes the Commission now dealing with Unrest will not overlook one of its principal causes—­namely wasps.

***

There has been a great falling-off in the number of visitors to Stratford-on-Avon, and it is expected that a new and fuller Life of the Bard will shortly be published.

***

A Surrey soldier, writing from The Garden of Eden, says, “I think it is a rotten hole, and I don’t blame Adam for getting thrown out.”  Still it is rather late to plead extenuating circumstances.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  The Bantam. “An’ I don’t want none of Yer NARSTY looks Neither, or it’s me an’ you for it.”]

* * * * *

    “James ——­ was remanded at the Thames Police Court on a
    charge of stealing nine boxes of Beecham’s pills, valued
    at L5.”—­The Times.

So little?  What about those advertisements?

* * * * *

“I was surprised to hear of Baron Heyking’s dismissal from his post of Russian Consul-General in London.  I had only been talking to him the day before—­and then came his dismissal by telegram!”—­"Candide,” in “The Sunday Pictorial."

Some of our journalists have a lot to answer for.

* * * * *

The KAISER’S Oriental studies.