A thousand thanks!  It is my own ARAMINTA!  Pray let us change places, and allow me to resign you your good Grandmother at once.

Ha! why does that poor Gentleman turn faint and stagger towards the door in search of a little air?  Let us ask the Postmistress.

She says he has just concluded a terrible interview with his Wife’s mother.  But see, he has recovered himself and struck an attitude of defiance.  That at least, at the other end, will impress her.

See how that Stockbroker is leaping with delight!  And no wonder.  He has just been electrophonoscopically attending the “Illinois Central” half-yearly meeting at New York, and, having speculated for the rise, finds that he has made a pot of money.

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Monday, June 30.—­Wanting to know about Heligoland in the Lords.  ROSEBERY inquires especially how population like the change?

“Oh, that’s all right,” said the MARKISS; “if there’s one thing the Heligolanders have been pining for since date of their birth, it is for union with Germany.  If we’d only been generous, we ought to have gratified their desire long ago.  I don’t wish to touch on controversial matters, but I must say if the Government, of which my noble friend was an ornament, had, when in office, only ceded Heligoland to Germany, they would have deserved well of their country, and might have been assured of the enthusiastic support of noble Lords on this side of the House, and of the Party of which my nephew is a Leader in another place.  It is impossible for me, without making your Lordships late for dinner, a crime from which I trust to hold my conscience free, fully to set forth the universal advantage that arises from this stroke of policy.  It pleases everybody, especially the Heligolanders.”

ROSEBERY persistent; wants to know what means were taken to obtain the opinion of the population, and elicit this paean of joy?

“Oh!” said the MARKISS, “obviously, they are documents of a confidential nature.”

[Illustration:  The Exile from Erin. (Just arrived in Holyhead.)]

“Confidential with the population?” asks GRANVILLE, in softest tones, with bewitching smile, and most deferential manner.  For once the MARKISS has no retort ready.  Lords sit silent for moment, awaiting answer; none forthcoming; LORD CHANCELLOR, with great presence of mind, proposes “that this House do now adjourn.”  Agreed to, and Lords go forth, each seeing in his mind’s eye the MARKISS in confidential communication with the population of Heligoland, laboriously and conscientiously ascertaining their views, individual and aggregate, on question of transfer.

“The MARKISS is quite right,” said ASHBOURNE, looking in from his honourable exile in Dublin; “you can’t, I know, frame an indictment against a nation.  But you can certainly enter into confidential communication with a population.  Capital copyhead it would make for OLD MORALITY:  Confidential Communications Corrupt Good Heligolanders.”