[A Juror who failed to put in an attendance at the Old Bailey
    sent an excuse that he was away on his honeymoon.  The LORD MAYOR
    declared this was a perfectly valid excuse.]

  The sly Undergraduate, eager to be
    Of Tutors and Deans an acute circumventist,
  Has been known to declare, when he went on the spree,
    ’Twas to bury his uncle, or call on his dentist.

  The husband who’s ever in scrapes or in pickles,
    And in coming home early displays a remissness,
  Is wont, if it’s safe to believe HARRY NICHOLLS,
    To say he stayed out on “a matter of business.”

  The hero whose praises they constantly sound,
    A Triton ’mongst minnows in prowess at cricket,
  When bowled by a ball that did not touch the ground,
    Very frequently swears ’twas the state of the wicket!

  And the Juryman, finding excuses were vain,
    Of the Judge’s displeasure has ever been fearful,
  Since he knew it availed not a whit to complain—­
    He must be in his place, or pay up and look cheerful.

  But the thought of a fine never more will produce
    Consternation, nor ever again make him pallid. 
  In a Honeymoon now he has got an excuse,
    And the LORD MAYOR pronounces it “perfectly valid”!

* * * * *

THE OPERA-GOER’S DIARY.

[Illustration]

NOTHING particular this week.  Mlle. MELBA, the two DE RESZKES, and M. LASSALLE sang, by Royal command, in the afternoon at Windsor Castle.  “Wasn’t that a dainty dish to set before the QUEEN?” Rather.  We meant to wind up the week with Le Prophete, but JEAN DE RESZKE had caught cold,—­perhaps on the return journey from Windsor,—­and so Faust was substituted, with MELBA as Marguerite, and RAVELLI the Reliable as Faust.  We are looking forward to Hamlet. “To be or not to be”?  Probably “to be.”  Highly successful Season gradually drawing to a close.  Where’s Masaniello?  Not heard it for years.  It would come out as quite a novelty.  Let the Sheriff-elect look to it.  If not for this Season, let it mark the year of office of DRURIOLANUS OPERATICUS.

* * * * *

“PAROCHIAL” POLITICS INDEED!—­Making over to a handful of Colonists that would not fill many an English parish the “mighty mileage” of Western Australia!

* * * * *

[Illustration:  TOUCHING RECIPROCITY BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE.

EDWIN CARRIES HIS ANGELINA’S PARASOL, AND ANGELINA CARRIES HER EDWIN’S SKETCHING MATERIALS.]

* * * * *

“HOPE DEFERRED.”

  “Weary of watching and waiting!”
    So the old song-words go! 
  Charity here, contemplating
    This trio of lads in a row,
  Might turn from the slums of the City,
    From “Nobody’s Children” might spare
  One glance of true practical pity,
    One hour of considerate care.