In the next place, I would move the Verb further up to the front.  You may load up with ever so good a Verb, but I notice that you never really bring down a subject with it at the present German range—­you only cripple it.  So I insist that this important part of speech should be brought forward to a position where it may be easily seen with the naked eye.

Thirdly, I would import some strong words from the English tongue—­to swear with, and also to use in describing all sorts of vigorous things in a vigorous ways. [4]

4.  “Verdammt,” and its variations and enlargements,
    are words which have plenty of meaning, but the sounds
    are so mild and ineffectual that German ladies can use
    them without sin.  German ladies who could not be induced
    to commit a sin by any persuasion or compulsion, promptly rip
    out one of these harmless little words when they tear their
    dresses or don’t like the soup.  It sounds about as wicked
    as our “My gracious.”  German ladies are constantly saying,
    “Ach!  Gott!” “Mein Gott!” “Gott in Himmel!” “Herr Gott”
    “Der Herr Jesus!” etc.  They think our ladies have the
    same custom, perhaps; for I once heard a gentle and lovely
    old German lady say to a sweet young American girl: 
    “The two languages are so alike—­how pleasant that is;
    we say ‘Ach!  Gott!’ you say ‘Goddamn.’”

Fourthly, I would reorganizes the sexes, and distribute them accordingly to the will of the creator.  This as a tribute of respect, if nothing else.

Fifthly, I would do away with those great long compounded words; or require the speaker to deliver them in sections, with intermissions for refreshments.  To wholly do away with them would be best, for ideas are more easily received and digested when they come one at a time than when they come in bulk.  Intellectual food is like any other; it is pleasanter and more beneficial to take it with a spoon than with a shovel.

Sixthly, I would require a speaker to stop when he is done, and not hang a string of those useless “haven sind gewesen gehabt haben geworden seins” to the end of his oration.  This sort of gewgaws undignify a speech, instead of adding a grace.  They are, therefore, an offense, and should be discarded.

Seventhly, I would discard the Parenthesis.  Also the reparenthesis, the re-reparenthesis, and the re-re-re-re-re-reparentheses, and likewise the final wide-reaching all-enclosing king-parenthesis.  I would require every individual, be he high or low, to unfold a plain straightforward tale, or else coil it and sit on it and hold his peace.  Infractions of this law should be punishable with death.

And eighthly, and last, I would retain ZUG and Schlag, with their pendants, and discard the rest of the vocabulary.  This would simplify the language.

I have now named what I regard as the most necessary and important changes.  These are perhaps all I could be expected to name for nothing; but there are other suggestions which I can and will make in case my proposed application shall result in my being formally employed by the government in the work of reforming the language.