Now, the foreigner, equipped with these three noble words, is master of the situation.  Let him talk right along, fearlessly; let him pour his indifferent German forth, and when he lacks for a word, let him heave a Schlag into the vacuum; all the chances are that it fits it like a plug, but if it doesn’t let him promptly heave a ZUG after it; the two together can hardly fail to bung the hole; but if, by a miracle, they should fail, let him simply say also! and this will give him a moment’s chance to think of the needful word.  In Germany, when you load your conversational gun it is always best to throw in a Schlag or two and a ZUG or two, because it doesn’t make any difference how much the rest of the charge may scatter, you are bound to bag something with them.  Then you blandly say also, and load up again.  Nothing gives such an air of grace and elegance and unconstraint to a German or an English conversation as to scatter it full of “Also’s” or “You knows.”

In my note-book I find this entry: 

July 1.—­In the hospital yesterday, a word of thirteen syllables was successfully removed from a patient—­a North German from near Hamburg; but as most unfortunately the surgeons had opened him in the wrong place, under the impression that he contained a panorama, he died.  The sad event has cast a gloom over the whole community.

That paragraph furnishes a text for a few remarks about one of the most curious and notable features of my subject—­the length of German words.  Some German words are so long that they have a perspective.  Observe these examples: 

Freundschaftsbezeigungen.

Dilettantenaufdringlichkeiten.

Stadtverordnetenversammlungen.

These things are not words, they are alphabetical processions.  And they are not rare; one can open a German newspaper at any time and see them marching majestically across the page—­and if he has any imagination he can see the banners and hear the music, too.  They impart a martial thrill to the meekest subject.  I take a great interest in these curiosities.  Whenever I come across a good one, I stuff it and put it in my museum.  In this way I have made quite a valuable collection.  When I get duplicates, I exchange with other collectors, and thus increase the variety of my stock.  Here rare some specimens which I lately bought at an auction sale of the effects of a bankrupt bric-a-brac hunter: 

Generalstaatsverordnetenversammlungen.

Alterthumswissenschaften.

Kinderbewahrungsanstalten.

Unabhaengigkeitserklaerungen.

Wiedererstellungbestrebungen.

Waffenstillstandsunterhandlungen.