Filled with rage and anger, both Rushed upon him with an oath, Eager now to slit the gizzard Of that astigmatic wizard, Till they noticed with dismay Both his eyes were far away!  (One eye sought the earth, while one Seemed to contemplate the sun.)

  Both stopped dead; the same cold thought
  At their jangling heart-strings caught. 
  Longshanks, trembling at the knee,
  Quavered, “Hans, he’s watching me!”
  Shorty whimpered, scared to fits,
  “No, it’s me he’s after, Fritz!”
  Sick with fear, their souls revolted;
  As one man they turned and bolted.

  At them Spry in mild amaze
  (Literally) bent his gaze,
  Sighed, and then without a word
  Wandered homeward with the third.

* * * * *

BAR BABIES.

[Lord Justice BANKS recently referred to the possible establishment of a Law Courts’ creche, where the female barrister might leave her young while engaged in forensic duties.]

From “The Law Times” of 192—.

“A Violent altercation took place yesterday in the room allotted to infants of the Junior Bar (adjoining the Court of Pathetic Appeal) between his nurse and little Johnnie, the teething infant of Mrs. Flapperton, who, by the way, we noticed being measured only the other day for silk.  The Court Husher having failed to produce silence, Mrs. Justice Spankhurst had to intervene, and only succeeded in restoring order by threatening to have the creche cleared.”

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE RECKONING.

PAN-GERMAN.  “MONSTROUS, I CALL IT.  WHY, IT’S FULLY A QUARTER OF WHAT WE SHOULD HAVE MADE THEM PAY, IF WE’D WON.”]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

Monday, April 14th.—­The Criminal Injuries (Ireland) Bill furnished the LORD CHANCELLOR with the text for a rather gloomy sermon on the present state of the sister-country.  The King’s Writ still runs there, but in many counties is outstripped by the rival fiat of Sinn Fein.  A tribute to the impeccable behaviour of “law-abiding” Ulster appeared to stir in the breast of Lord CREWE memories of the pre-war prancings of a certain “Galloper,” for he remarked that the noble lord’s information seemed to be “partial and recent.”

Exception has recently been taken to the cab-shelter in Palace Yard, some Members objecting that its architectural design was out of harmony with that of the Houses of Parliament, and others complaining that its internal attractions were so great as to seduce the taxi-men from paying any attention to prospective fares.  Sir ALFRED MOND, after long consideration, has decided to abolish the offending edifice and to give the drivers a shelter in the Vaults, where the police will discourage them from exceeding in the matter of “rest and refreshment.”