I meant that then, and I mean it now.  And if ever I hear a coster call out, “There goes Sir Harry Lauder,” I’ll ken it’s time for me to be really doing what I’m really going tae do before sae long—­retire frae the stage and gae hame to my wee hoose amang the heather at Dunoon tae live!

I’d no be having you think I’m meaning to criticize all the actors and actresses of the legitimate stage who have done a turn in the halls.  Many of them are among our prime favorites, and our most successful artists.  Some have given up appearing in plays to stick to the halls; some gae tae the halls only when they can find no fitting play to occupy their time and their talent.  Some of the finest and most talented folk in the world are, actors and artists; whiles I think all the most generous and kindly folk are!  And I can count my friends, warm, dear, intimate friends amang them by the score—­I micht almost say by the hundred.

No, it’s just the flighty ones that gie the rest a bad name I’m addressing my criticisms to.  There’ll be those that accept an opportunity to appear in the halls scornfully.  They’ll be lacking an engagement, maybe.  And so they’ll turn to the halls tae earn some siller easily, with their lips curling the while and their noses turned up.  They see no need tae give of their best.

“Why should I really act for these people?” I heard one famous actor say once.  “The subtleties of my art would be wasted upon them.  I shall try to bring myself down to their level!”

Now, heard you ever sae hopeless a saying as that?  It puts me in mind of a friend of mine—­a novelist.  He’s a grand writer, and his readers, by the million, are his friends.  It’s hard for his publishers to print enough of his books to supply the demand.  And he’s a kindly, simple wee man; he ust does his best, all the time, and never worries aboot the results.  But there are those that are envious of him.  I mind the only time I ever knew him to be angry was when one of these, a man who could just get his books published, and no mair, was talking.

“Oh, I suppose I’ll have to do it!” he said.  “Jimmy”—­Jimmy was the famous novelist my friend—­“tell me how you write one of your best sellers?  I think I’ll turn out one or two under a pen name.  I need some money.”

Man, you can no even mak’ money in that fashion!  I ken fine there’s men succeed, on the stage, and in literature, and in every other walk of life, who do not do the very best of work.  But, mind you, they’ve this in common—­they do the best they can!  You may not have to be the best to win the public—­but you maun be sincere, or it will punish you.

CHAPTER XXIV

When every one’s talking sae much of Bolsheviki and Soviets it’s hard to follow what it’s just all about.  It’s a serious subject—­aye, I’d be the last to say it wasna that!  But, man—­there’s sae little in this world that’s no got its lighter side, if we’ll but see it!