[Throws his book into Perkins’s lap.

Perkins.  I tell you—­

Mrs. Perkins.  Just this once, Teddy—­please—­for me.

Yardsley.  You owe it to your position, Perkins.  You are the only man here that knows anything about anything.  You’ve frequently said so.  You were doing it all, anyhow, you know—­and you’re host—­the audience are your guests—­and you’re so clever and—­

Perkins.  But—­

Enter Jennie.

Jennie.  Dinner is served, ma’am. [Exit.

Yardsley.  Good!  Perk, I’ll be your under-study at dinner, while you are studying up.  Ladies and gentlemen, kindly imagine that I am host, that Perkins does not exist.  Come along, Mrs. Bradley.  Miss Andrews, will you take my other arm?  I’ll escort Lady Amaranth and the maid out.  We’ll leave the two Featherheads to fight it out for the Lady Ellen.  By-by, Thaddeus; don’t shirk.  I’ll come in after the salade course and hear you, and if you don’t know your lesson I’ll send you to bed without your supper.

[All go out, leaving Perkins alone.

Perkins (forcing a laugh).  Ha! ha! ha!  Good joke, confound your eyes!  Humph! very well.  I’ll do it.  Whole thing, eh?  Curtain, babies, audience, host.  All right, my noble Thespians, wait!  (Shakes fist at the door.) I will do the whole thing.  Wait till they ring you up, O curtain!  Up you will go, but then—­then will I come forth and read that book from start to finish, and if any one of ’em ventures to interfere I’ll drop thee on their most treasured lines.  They little dream how much they are in the power of you and me!

Enter Jennie.

Jennie.  Mrs. Perkins says aren’t you coming to dinner, sir; and Mr.
Yardsley says the soup is getting cold, sir.

Perkins.  In a minute, Jennie.  Tell Mrs. Perkins that I am just learning the last ten lines of the third act; and as for Mr. Yardsley, kindly insinuate to him that he’ll find the soup quite hot enough at 8.30.

[Exit Jennie.  Perkins sits down, and, taking up two books of the play, one in each hand, begins to read.

[CURTAIN]

A PROPOSAL UNDER DIFFICULTIES

CHARACTERS: 

ROBERT YARDSLEY, } suitors for the hand of Miss Andrews. 
JACK BARLOW, }
DOROTHY ANDREWS, a much-loved young woman. 
JENNIE, a housemaid. 
HICKS, a coachman, who does not appear.

The scene is laid in a fashionable New York drawing-room.  The time is late in October, and Wednesday afternoon.  The curtain rising shows an empty room.  A bell rings.  After a pause the front door is heard opening and closing.  Enter Yardsley through portiere at rear of room.