Yardsley.  Howdy do, Mrs. Bradley?  Good-afternoon, Miss Andrews.  We all seem to be here now, so let’s begin.  We’re a half-hour late already.

Barlow.  I’m ready, but I want to—­

Yardsley.  Never mind what you want, Jack.  We haven’t time for any more talking.  It’ll take us an hour and a half, and we’ve got to hustle.  All off stage now except Mrs. Perkins. (All go out; Yardsley rings bell.) Hi, Perkins, that’s your cue!

Perkins.  What for?

Yardsley.  Oh, hang it!—­raise the curtain, will you?

Perkins.  With pleasure.  As I understand this thing, one bell signifies raise curtain when curtain’s down; drop curtain when curtain is up.

Yardsley.  Exactly.  You know your part, anyhow.  If you remember not to monkey with the curtain except when the bell rings, and then change its condition, no matter what it may be, you can’t go wrong.  Now begin. (Bell.  Perkins raises curtain.) Now, of course, I’m not supposed to be on the stage, but I’ll stay here and prompt you.  Enter Lady Ellen.  Come along, Mrs. Perkins.  Please begin.

Mrs. Perkins.  I thought we’d decided that I was to be sitting here when the curtain went up?

Yardsley.  So we did.  I’d forgotten that.—­We’ll begin all over again.  Perkins, drop that curtain.  Perkins!

Perkins.  What?

Yardsley.  Drop the curtain.

Perkins.  Where’s the bell?  I didn’t hear any bell ring.

Yardsley.  Oh, never mind the bell!  Let her down.

Perkins.  I beg your pardon, but I positively refuse.  I believe in doing things right.  I’m not going to monkey.  Ring that bell, and down she comes; otherwise—­

Yardsley.  Tut!  You are very tiresome this afternoon, Thaddeus.  Mrs. Perkins, we’ll go ahead without dropping the curtain.  Now take your place.

[Mrs. Perkins seats herself by table, picks up a book, and begins to read.

Mrs. Perkins (after an interval, throwing book down with a sigh).  Heigho!  I cannot seem to concentrate my mind upon anything to-night.  I wonder why it is that once a woman gives her heart into another’s keeping—­[Bell rings.  Perkins lets curtain drop.

Yardsley.  What the deuce did you drop that curtain for, Thaddeus?

Perkins.  The bell rang, didn’t it?

Yardsley.  Yes, you idiot, but that’s supposed to be the front-door bell.  Lady Amaranth is about to arrive—­

Perkins.  Well, how was I to know?  Your instructions to me were positive.  Don’t monkey with curtain till bell rings.  When bell rings, if down, pull her up; if up, pull her down.  I’m not a connoisseur on bells—­

Yardsley.  You might pay some attention to the play.

Perkins.  Now look here, Bob.  I don’t want to quarrel with you, but it seems to me that I’ve got enough to do without paying attention to your part of the show.  What am I?  First place, host; second place, head usher; third place, curtain-manager; fourth place, fire department; fifth place, Bess says if children holler, go up and see what’s the matter other words, nurse—­and on top of this you say keep an eye on the play.  You must think I’ve as many eyes as a President’s message.