Bradley.  Aha!  That’s the milk in the cocoanut. eh?  Hadn’t force of mind to get rid of the agent.  Couldn’t say no.  Humph!  I wondered why you, a man of sense, a man of dignity, a gentleman, should take up with this—­

Perkins (angrily).  See here, Brad, I like you very much, but I must say—­

Mrs. Perkins (foreseeing a quarrel).  Thaddeus!  ’Sh!  Ah, by-the-way, Mr. Bradley, where is Emma this evening?  I never knew you to be separated before.

Bradley (sorrowfully).  This is the first time, Mrs. Perkins.  Fact is, we’d intended calling on you to-night, and I dressed as you see me.  Emma was in proper garb too, but when she saw what a beautiful night it was, she told me to go ahead, and she—­By Jove! it almost makes me weep!

Perkins.  She wasn’t taken ill?

Bradley.  No—­worse.  She said:  “You go down on the ’ L.’  I’ll bike.  It’s such a splendid night.”  Fine piece of business this!  To have a bicycle come between man and wife is a pretty hard fate, I think—­for the one who doesn’t ride.

Mrs. Perkins.  Then Emma is coming here?

Bradley.  That’s the idea, on her wheel—­coming down the Boulevard, across Seventy-second Street, through the Park, down Madison, across Twenty-third, down Fourth to Twenty-first, then here.

Perkins.  Bully ride that.

Mrs. Perkins.  Alone?

Bradley (sadly).  I hope so—­but these bicyclists have a way of flocking together.  For all I know, my beloved Emma may now be coasting down Murray Hill escorted by some bicycle club from Jersey City.

Mrs. Perkins.  Oh dear—­Mr. Bradley!

Bradley.  Oh, it’s all right, I assure you, Mrs. Perkins.  Perfectly right and proper.  It’s merely part of the exercise, don’t you know.  There’s a hail-fellow-well-metness about enthusiastic bicyclists, and Emma is intensely enthusiastic.  It gives her a chance, you know, and Emma has always wanted a chance.  Independence is a thing she’s been after ever since she got her freedom, and now, thanks to the wheel, she’s got it again, and even I must admit it’s harmless.  Funny she doesn’t get here though (looking at his watch); she’s had time to come down twice.

[Bicycle bells are heard ringing without.

Mrs. Perkins.  Maybe that is she now.  Go and see, will you,
Thaddeus? [Exit Perkins.

Perkins (without), That you, Mrs. Bradley?

[Mrs. Perkins and Bradley listen intently.

Two Male Voices.  No; it’s us, Perk.  Got your wheel?

Bradley and Mrs. Perkins.  Where can she be?

Enter Perkins with Barlow and Yardsley.

They both greet Mrs. Perkins.

Yardsley.  Hullo, Brad!  You going to have a lesson too?

Barlow.  Dressed for it, aren’t you, by Jove!  Nothing like a dinner coat for a bicycle ride.  Your coat-tails don’t catch in the gear.

Bradley (severely).  I haven’t taken it up—­fact is, I don’t care for fads.  Have you seen my wife?