It seemed impossible that the incumbent could be kept any longer in ignorance of the affair; and it was better—­oh! how much better—­for comfort and peace of mind that he should not be.  In a few hours Dr. Mayhew would arrive, and his shrewd eye would immediately penetrate to the very seat of his patient’s disquietude.  The discovery would be communicated to her father—­and what would he think of me?—­what would become of me?  I grew as agitated as though the doctor were at that moment seated with the minister—­and revealing to his astounded listener the history of my deceit and black ingratitude.  The feeling was not to be borne; and in order to cast it off, I determined myself to be the messenger of the tale, and to stand the brunt of his first surprise and indignation.  With the earliest conception of the idea, I ran to put it into execution.  Nor did I stop until I reached the door of his study, when the difficulty of introducing at once so delicate a business, and the importance of a little quiet preparation, suggested themselves, and made me hesitate.  It was however, but for a moment for self-possession.  I would argue with myself no longer.  The few hours that intervened before the arrival of the doctor were my own and if I permitted them to pass away, my opportunity was gone for ever, and every claim upon the kindness and forgiveness of my patron lost.  I would confess my affection, and offer him the only reparation in my power—­to quit his roof, and carry the passion with me for my punishment and torment.

Mr. Fairman was alone.  The pupils were playing on the lawn upon which the window of the study opened.  There they ran, and leaped, and shouted, all feeling and enjoyment, without an atom of the leaden care of life to press upon the light elastic soul; and there stood I, young enough to be a playmate brother, separated from them and their hearts’ joyousness by the deep broad line which, once traversed, may never be recovered, ground to the earth by suffering, trial, and disappointment; darkness and discouragement without; misery and self-upbraiding robbing me of peace within.  My eyes caught but a glimpse of the laughing boys before they settled on the minister, and summoned me to my ungracious task—­and it was a glimpse of a bright and beautiful world, with which I had nothing in common, of which I had known something, it might be ages since—­but whose glory had departed even from the memory.

“Is he here?” enquired the incumbent.

“Doctor Mahew could not accompany me, sir,” I answered, “but he will shortly come.”

“Thank you, Stukely, thank you.  I have good news for you.  I can afford you time to recruit and be yourself again.  The lads return home on Monday next; you shall have a month’s holiday, and you shall spend it as you will—­with us, or elsewhere.  If your health will be improved by travelling, I shall be happy to provide you with the means.  I cannot afford to lose your services.  You must not get ill.”