“You are wrong,” I replied.  “He is no Greek.  He is a Bulgar.  But the cunning Greek propagandists have taught him the Greek language and that he is a Greek.  It is really his duty to be the first to rush on to the soil of his beloved Bulgaria—­”

“Ach!” said Boris, grinding his teeth; “you mock our patriotism.  You are an Englishman.”

“I don’t,” I replied.  “And I’m not.  I’m French.  We came over in 1066.  You ask my aunt at Tunbridge Wells.  But the villainous English propagandists taught me English, and the Scotch gave me a taste for whisky, and—­”

But Boris had faded away.

* * * * *

ALARMING:  SPREAD OF CANNIBALISM.

    “AUSTRALIANS IN FRANCE.

    “THIRD OF GERMAN ARMY EATEN.”
    Queensland Paper.

    “THOROUGHLY Experienced Cook.  Capable cooking large
    family.”—­Ceylon Paper.

    “WANTED, Smart Young Man or Woman, for frying.”—­Provincial
    Paper.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Born Grumbler.  “FOR OVER FOUR YEARS I’VE BATTLED FURIOUSLY AGAINST A ‘ARD AN’ BITTER FOE.  AN’ ‘ERE I AM CONSTRUCTIN’ A WOODEN’ ’ORSE FOR THE CAPTIN’S SON.”]

* * * * *

TO A YOUNG SUB.

(By a late one.)

  Sublime young Sir, so nuttily complacent,
    So airy-poised upon thy rubbered feet,
  The cynosure, no doubt, of all adjacent
    Regard along that hit of Regent Street,
  My thanks.  In rather less than half a twinkling
    Thy lofty air and high Olympian gaze
  Have taught me that of which I had no inkling
    Throughout my swashing military days.

  I too (et ego in Arcadia vixi)—­
    I too have strolled like that in London town,
  Demanding homage from the very bricks I
    Pressed with my shoes of scintillating brown;
  But never till I tried the fair corrective
    Of seeing khaki from a civvy suit
  Could I envisage in its true perspective
    That common circumstance, a Second-Loot.

* * * * *

NOT DEAD YET.

    “The Hungarian Soviet Government has adopted a non-posthumous
    attitude.”—­Globe.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Host (to visitor just arrived). “GET YOUR OVERCOAT OFF QUICKLY, MAN; THEN HE’LL THINK YOU BELONG TO THE HOUSE!”]

* * * * *

THE PASSING OF GREEK.

A great thanksgiving meeting (postponed till “Summer-time” on account of the shortage of artificial heat) was held at the Albert Hall last Saturday to celebrate the dethronement of Greek at Oxford.  Mr. H.G.  WELLS presided, and there was a numerous attendance.