***

A Northumberland man last week declined to draw his unemployment pay on the ground that he was not actually wanting it.  His workmates put it down to the alleged fact that a careless nurse had let him fall out of the perambulator on to his head.

***

“Unless Russian women join the Bolshevist movement,” says Herr RADEK, “they will all be shot by order of Lenin.”  This confirms our worst fears that these Russian revolutionaries are becoming rather spiteful.

***

A new fire-engine has been provided for Aberavon.  As a result of this addition to their appliances the Aberavon Fire Brigade are now able to consider a few additional fires.

***

A large rat with peculiar red markings on its back has recently been seen at Woodvale, Isle of Wight.  In consequence much alarm is felt locally, as it is feared that this is an indication that the rodents on the isle have embraced Bolshevism.

***

The correspondent who, as reported in these columns, noticed a pair of labourers building within a stone’s-throw of Catford Bridge, now writes to say that a foundation stone has been laid.

***

Philanthropists are warned against a beggar who is going about saying that, when wounded in France, he was so full of bullets that they took him back to the Base in an ammunition wagon instead of an ambulance.

***

The reported decision of the Sinn Fein Executive, that policemen shall only be shot at on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, has definitely eased a situation which it was feared could only be coped with by arresting the instigators of such crimes.

***

In a recent suit for alimony a wealthy New Yorker complained that his wife used a diamond-studded watch for a golf tee.  If she had only wasted the money on a new ball he would never have complained.

***

Experiments in rat-killing, says a news item, are being carried out at the Zoo.  At the time of writing the reticulated python is said to be leading the whale-headed stork by a matter of three rats.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Husband (just arrived home). “What on earth have you been doing with yourself?”

Wife, “Only the Coal-man’s been at last, and I simply couldn’t resist giving the dear man A kiss!”]

* * * * *

From the report of a breach of promise case:—­

    “The engagement came about through a chance meeting in Richmond
    Park in the summer of 117.”—­Daily Herald.

Despite the happy case of Jacob and Rachel, we never have approved of these long engagements.

* * * * *