H.R.H.G.R. Yes, I am sorry to say so,—­personally sorry.  Although the bullets may have played the mischief with the adjoining property, still I think—­

C.C.-in-C. (severely).  We are not discussing Wimbledon now, Sir.  Am I right in assuming that the reason funds were requested was to put Bisley in a proper condition for the reception of the Volunteers?

H.R.H.G.R. Of course.  I am sure I am the best friend of the Volunteers, and—­

C.C.-in-C. (interrupting).  How comes it then that when the Volunteers (whose own ranges are being closed all round London) ask for permission to shoot at Bisley, they are told that they may not have it, because “the range is required for the regular troops.”

H.R.H.G.R. Well, as Commander-in-Chief, of course I must consider the Army, and as—­

C.C.-in-C. President of the N.R.A., you should consider the Volunteers—­but you don’t!  Now see here, if I hear any more of this sort of thing, I tell you frankly that—­

[Scene closes in, as the threat is too terrible for publication.]

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH’S DICTIONARY OF PHRASES.

QUALIFIED RECOMMENDATION.

“A.  Nobleman wishes particularly to recommend his Coachman, who is leaving his service, solely owing to domestic changes;” i.e., Having been detected falsifying his stable accounts, and threatened in consequence with prosecution, he retaliates by a menace to disclose certain unpleasant family secrets, picked up in the servants’ hall, to a Society journal.

TRADE EMBELLISHMENTS.

“If applied but once gently with the palm of the hand, it will afford the sufferer delightful and instantaneous relief;” i.e., It at once removes the skin, and if rubbed in with vigour will flay a horse.

PLATFORMULARS.

“I feel that I have already trespassed upon your patience, and detained you an unconscionable time;” i.e., “Your attention seems flagging.  I want a moment or two for reflection, and a cue to go on again.”

* * * * *

THE RACK OF THE RATE-PAYER.

(BY A VICTIM OF “QUINQUENNIAL VALUATION.")

“Parochial Authorities have a way of their own in interpreting Acts of Parliament, and a very peculiar way indeed of dealing with the Valuation Act....  Overseers go their own way, and interpret the Act according to their knowledge and experience; and in many cases experience is lacking, and knowledge an altogether unknown quantity....  When dealing with leasehold property, overseers positively revel in the most delightful caprice.  The leaseholder’s property is dealt with kindly or the reverse, just as it is in this or that parish.”—­James’s Gazette.

  Tennyson talks of “gay quinquenniads.”  Yes,
    But he would mention them