“What!” roared Matthews.

“I ’ain’t got a Jane, of course, so I decides to take a little look around all by myself.  Well, I goes down the Chomps-Eleezy feelin’ pretty good and sorta peppy and lookin’ for trouble.  I see all them army heroes—­the vets and the dentists and the S O S—­each with a skirt, and I passes Matthews, here, with his skirt clingin’ to him like a cootie.”

“Cut it out, you big stiff,” interposed Matthews.

“Like a cootie,” continued Steve, “and I got sorta de-pressed.  So I sez, me for the quiet, unfrequented streets over acrost the river.  Well, sir, I was just passin’ the Loover—­that big museum, or whatever it is—­when I see a hearse comin’ in the opposite direction.  It was a pretty sick-lookin’ hearse, too.  It had a coupla animals hitched to it that was probably called horses when they was young, and that didn’t have a steak minoot left on ’em.  But they was all covered with mangy black plumes and tassels and things—­you know, the way they rig ’em up when the corpse is takin’ his last drive.  And there was an old bird sittin’ up on the box-seat with a hat like Napoleon One.

“Well, at first it looked to me like it was just the regular frawg funeral, and I didn’t pay no special attention, only I give it the salute when I got opposite.  Then I see that there weren’t no flowers nor tin wreaths on the coffin—­except there was one little buncha pinks, and they was a pretty sad-lookin’ buncha pinks, too, sir.  Then I see that there weren’t no procession walkin’ along behind—­except there was one little old woman all in black and lookin’ sorta sick and scared.  Yes, sir, there she was walkin’ all by herself and lookin’ lonelier ’n hell.

“So I sez to myself:  ’It’s all wrong, Steve, it’s all wrong.  Here’s a poor dead frawg, the only son of his mother and her a widow’—­that’s Bible stuff, sir—­’goin’ out to be planted with none of the gang around.  It’s tough,’ I sez.  ‘I’ll say it is.’  Well, I told you I didn’t have nothin’ much to do, so I sez, ’Laffyette, cheeri-o,’ and steps up beside the old lady.  That makes two mourners, anyhow.

“Well, the old lady give me the once over and seen Mr. Daniels’s uniform and the rooster on my sleeve, and I guess decides that I’m eligible to the club.  Anyway, she sorta nodded at me and pretty soon begun to snuffle and look for her handkerchief.  It wasn’t no use, though, for she didn’t have any.

“Meanwhile we was crossin’ one of them bridges—­just crawlin’ along like one of the motors had quit and the other was hittin’ only on three.  If we’d been in the air we’d stalled sure and gone into a tail-spin.  All the time I was thinkin’ how to say ‘Cheer up’ to the old dame in French, but all I could think of at first was ‘Bravo’ and ‘Vous-ate tray jolee!’ Still it was sorta stupid walkin’ along and no conversation, so I guess I musta had an inspiration or something, and I sez, pointing ahead at the coffin, ’Mort avec mon Dieu.’