“I’ll give you his own tale on paper—let me have it back—and, mind you, every single word of it is Gospel truth. The man was a gentleman, an educated, thoughtful, sober chap, and as sane as you or I. I got to know him well—he was in hospital, with blood-poisoning from panther-bite, for a time—and we became friends. Actual friends, I mean. Used to play golf with him. (You remember the Duri Links.) In mufti, you’d never have dreamed for a moment that he was not a Major or a Colonel. Army life had not coarsened him in the slightest, and he kept some lounge-suits and mess-kit by Poole. Many a good Snob of my acquaintance has left my house under the impression that the Lawrence-Smith he had met there, and with whom he had been hail-fellow-well-met, was his social equal or superior.
“He simply was a refined and educated gentleman and that’s all there is about it. Well—you’ll read his statement—and, as you read, you may tell yourself that I am as convinced of its truth as I am of anything in this world.... He was dead when I got to him.
“The stains, on the backs of some of the sheets and on the front of the last one, are—blood stains....”
And at this point their host suggested the propriety of joining the ladies....
Colonel Jackson gave Mr. Ross-Ellison a “lift” in his powerful motor as far as his bungalow, entered, and a few minutes later emerged with a long and fat envelope.
“Here you are,” said he. “I took it upon myself to annex the papers as I was his friend. Let’s have ’em back. No need for me to regard them as ‘private and confidential’ so far as I can see, poor chap. Good-night.”
Having achieved the haven of loose Pathan trousers and a muslin shirt (worn over them) in the privacy of his bed-room, Mr. Ross-Ellison, looking rather un-English, sat on a camp-cot (he never really liked chairs) and read, as follows, from a sheaf of neatly-written (and bloodstained) sheets of foolscap.
* * * * *
I have come to the point at which I decide to stop. I have had enough. But I should like to ask one or two questions.
1. Why has a man no right to quit a world in which he no longer desires to live? 2. Why should Evil be allowed to triumph? 3. Why should people who cannot see spirit forms be so certain that such do not exist, when none but an ignorant fool argues, “I believe in what I can see”?
With regard to the first question I maintain that a man has a perfect right to “take” the life that was “given” him (without his own consent or desire), provided it is not an act of cowardice nor an evasion of just punishment or responsibility. I would add—provided also that he does not, in so doing, basely desert his duty, those who are in any way dependent on him, or those who really love him.
I detest that idiotic phrase “while of unsound mind”. I am as sound in mind as any man living, but because I end an unbearable state of affairs, and take the only step I can think of as likely to give me peace—I shall be written down mad. Moreover should I fail—in my attempt to kill myself (which I shall not) I should be prosecuted as a criminal!