***

Of two burglars charged at Stratford one told the Bench that he intended to have nothing further to do with his colleague in future.  It is said that he finds it impossible to work with him owing to his nasty grasping ways.

* * * * *

Sixty-seven fewer babies were born in one Surrey village last year than in previous years.  It would be interesting to have their names.

***

A grocer, according to a legal writer, is not compelled to take goods out of the window to oblige a customer.  The suggestion that a grocer is expected to oblige anybody in any circumstances is certainly a novelty.

***

Uxbridge, says The Evening News, has no bandstand.  Nor have we, but we make no fuss about it.

***

The Bolshevists in Russia, we are told, are busy sowing seeds of sedition.  For some time it has been suspected that the Bolshevists were up to no good.

***

Herbert Welsh, aged sixty-seven, has started to walk from New Jersey to New Hampshire, U.S.A., a distance of five hundred miles.  In the absence of fuller details we assume that Herbert must have lost his train.

***

“Postage stamps,” says a weekly snippets paper, “can be obtained at all post-offices.”  This should prove a boon to those who have letters to write.

***

It is thought if a certain well-known judge does not soon ask, “What is whisky?” he will have to content himself with the past tense.

***

“What to do with a Wasp” is a headline in a contemporary.  We have not read the article, but our own plan with wasps is to try to dodge them.

***

We hear that complications may arise from an unfortunate mistake made at a Jazz Competition held in London last week.  It appears that the prize was awarded to a lady suffering from hysteria who was not competing.

***

A taxi-driver in a suburb of London was married last week to a local telephone operator.  Speculation is now rife as to which will be the first to break down and say “Thank you.”

***

The Press reports the case of a young lady who received slight injuries from a slab of ceiling which fell on her head whilst she was asleep in bed, but was saved from further damage by the thickness of her hair.  This should act as a warning to those ladies who adopt the silly habit of removing their tresses on retiring for the night.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Hospital Orderly (taking particulars of new patient).  “Name, sir?”

Patient.  “Sir Bruce BLAZEAWAY.”

Hospital Orderly.  “Rank?”

Patient.  “Lieutenant-general.”

Hospital Orderly.  “Battalion?”]

* * * * *