If a mother is willing to have her children thus regard her with contempt pure and simple while they are children, and with contempt transformed into pity by the infusion of a tardy sentiment of gratitude, when they are grown, she may try the plan of endeavoring to secure their love by indulging them without governing them.  But if she sets her heart on being the object through life of their respectful love, she may indulge them as much as she pleases; but she must govern them.

Indulgence.

A great deal is said sometimes about the evils of indulgence in the management of children; and so far as the condemnation refers only to indulgence in what is injurious or evil, it is doubtless very just.  But the harm is not in the indulgence itself—­that is, in the act of affording gratification to the child—­but in the injurious or dangerous nature of the things indulged in.  It seems to me that children are not generally indulged enough.  They are thwarted and restrained in respect to the gratification of their harmless wishes a great deal too much.  Indeed, as a general rule, the more that children are gratified in respect to their childish fancies and impulses, and even their caprices, when no evil or danger is to be apprehended, the better.

When, therefore, a child asks, “May I do this?” or, “May I do that?” the question for the mother to consider is not whether the thing proposed is a wise or a foolish thing to do—­that is, whether it would be wise or foolish for her, if she, with her ideas and feelings, were in the place of the child—­but only whether there is any harm or danger in it; and if not, she should give her ready and cordial consent.

Antagonism between Free Indulgence and Absolute Control.

There is no necessary antagonism, nor even any inconsistency, between the freest indulgence of children and the maintenance of the most absolute authority over them.  Indeed, the authority can be most easily established in connection with great liberality of indulgence.  At any rate, it will be very evident, on reflection, that the two principles do not stand at all in opposition to each other, as is often vaguely supposed.  Children may be greatly indulged, and yet perfectly governed.  On the other hand, they may be continually checked and thwarted, and their lives made miserable by a continued succession of vexations, restrictions, and refusals, and yet not be governed at all.  An example will, however, best illustrate this.

Mode of Management with Louisa.

A mother, going to the village by a path across the fields, proposed to her little daughter Louisa to go with her for a walk.

Louisa asked if she might invite her Cousin Mary to go too.  “Yes,” said her mother; “I think she is not at home; but you can go and see, if you like.”

Louisa went to see, and returned in a few minutes, saying that Mary was not at home.