in nine hundred and ninety-nine cases in a thousand
any doubt that the hand, that spends at least a pound
a day in restaurants and cabs, will succeed in gathering
the muslin flower if he so wills it, and by doing
so he will delight every one. Where, then, is
the struggle? where, then, is the triumph? Therefore,
I say that if a young man’s heart is not set
on children, and tiresome dinner parties, the young
girl presents to him no possible ideal. But the
woman of thirty presents from the outset all that
is necessary to ensnare the heart of a young man.
I see her sitting in her beautiful drawing-room, all
composed by, and all belonging to her. Her chair
is placed beneath an evergreen plant, and the long
leaves lean out as if to touch her neck. The great
white and red roses of the
d’aubusson
carpet are spread enigmatically about her feline feet;
a grand piano leans its melodious mouth to her; and
there she sits when her visitors have left her, playing
Beethoven’s sonatas in the dreamy firelight.
The spring-tide shows but a bloom of unvarying freshness;
August has languished and loved in the strength of
the sun. She is stately, she is tall. What
sins, what disappointments, what aspirations lie in
those grey eyes, mysteriously still, and mysteriously
revealed. These a young man longs to know of,
they are his life. He imagines himself sitting
by her, when the others have gone, holding her hand,
calling on her name; sometimes she moves away and
plays the moonlight sonata. Letting her hands
droop upon the keys she talks sadly, maybe affectionately;
she speaks of the tedium of life, of its disenchantments.
He knows well what she means, he has suffered as she
has; but could he tell her, could she understand, that
in his love reality would dissolve into a dream, all
limitations would open into boundless infinity.
The husband he rarely sees. Sometimes a latchkey
is heard about half-past six. The man is thick,
strong, common; his jaws are heavy; his eyes are expressionless;
there is about him the loud swagger of the caserne;
and he suggests the inevitable question, Why did she
marry him?—a question that every young
man of refined mind asks a thousand times by day and
ten thousand times by night, asks till he is five-and-thirty,
and sees that his generation has passed into middle
age.
Why did she marry him? Not the sea, nor the sky,
nor the great mysterious midnight, when he opens his
casement and gazes into starry space will give him
answer; riddle that no Oedipus will ever come to unravel;
this sphinx will never throw herself from the rock
into the clangour of the seagulls and waves; she will
never divulge her secret; and if she is the woman and
not a woman of thirty, she has forgotten.