CHARIVARIA.

Professor Thatcher of New York describes President Wilson as one of the five greatest men in the world.  Sir Eric Geddes is anxious to know who the other three are.

***

“The Jazz boom is dying out,” says Mr. Herman DAREWSKI, “but the next boom will be an Oriental one.”  There seems nothing to do about it except to bear up.

***

The fact that for some time no arrest was made for the Plaistow safe robbery seems to indicate that the thieves desired to remain anonymous.

***

Like soothing balm from the dear old days comes the intimation that Sir Thomas Lipton is confident of lifting the America Cup in 1920.

***

Up to the time of going to Press it had not been officially decided what new uniform will be designed for the R.A.F. to be worn during the Peace Celebrations.

***

The City of Philadelphia has decreed that sitting-out places in ball-rooms must be adequately lighted.  Following upon the unauthorised publication of the Peace Terms, this is a further blow at secret covenants.

***

Forty thousand children visited the Zoo on Whit-Monday, and one anxious father who had mislaid a couple of infants stayed for a long time in the reptile-house, looking suspiciously at the swollen appearance of the boa constrictor.

***

“The people of London have never understood that wisdom is not concentrated here,” said Sir George Lunn at the conference of Associated Education Committees.  These cheap sneers at Sir Frederick Banbury are beneath his notice.

***

The Vicar of South Acton suggests that a huge prize should be offered for the invention of a good temperance drink.  We regret to say that this is not the first studied insult that has been offered to Government ale.

***

A new race, who had never seen a white man before, is reported to have been found on Prince Albert Land, and one of them is being taken to Maine, U.S.A.  That ought to teach them to be discovered again.

***

Incidentally so many errors have been made of late in executing people in Russia that in future all orders for executions will be signed by Lenin and will bear the words, “Errors and Omissions Excepted.”

***

The Bolshevists have their trials just like human beings.  One of them last week was mistaken for a bourgeois and shot.

***

Civil servants engaged by the various Ministries will in future be required to have special qualifications for their work.  We have always thought that this would be an advantage.

***

Senor Fernandez denies the allegation that Mexico is not now at war with any nation.  It is supposed to have been spread by jealous rivals.