Eyebrows projecting like a bush
    Are facial assets to be prized,
  Denoting driving-power and push
    In men however undersized
  (Bear’s grease or paraffin or both
  Will largely stimulate their growth).

  The fish-like and lethargic eye
    We should endeavour to efface,
  And foster visual orbs that vie
    With those of eagles in its place;
  While belladonna’s artful use
  An extra brilliance may produce.

  Nor are there wanting ways and means
    Enabling experts to impose
  By sundry suitable machines
    Fine character upon the nose;
  And nasal dignity, we find,
  Promptly reacts upon the mind.

  But those who in this great reform
    Of face and feature are engrossed
  Agree that to enforce a norm
    In labial fabric matters most;
  The lips that help a race to win
  Unquestionably must be thin.

  Therefore with pleasure unalloyed
    We learn that great Columbia’s sons,
  With PERSHING busily employed
    In laying plans to down the Huns,
  According to a trusty pen
  Are “thin-lipped and determined men.”

* * * * *

On the retirement of certain Tanks from their War Bond duties:—­

“They can understand, we hope, how very jolly it has been to have them, and how sorry we are to see them go.  We shall probably sing those typical English ballads ‘Auld Lang Syne’ and ’Will ye no come back again?’”—­Daily Paper.

A Scottish correspondent suggests the addition of a few other “typical English ballads,” such as “The Wearing of the Green,” “Men of Harlech,” “The Star-Spangled Banner” and “The Marseillaise.”

* * * * *

“Applications will be received by Mr. J. Arnold, Chairman of the Bathurst Municipality, for a TOWN CLERK, whose duties will be the following, viz.:  Competent Bookkeeper, Sanitary Inspector, Street Inspector, and to supervise labour party on roads, Native Location Inspector, Dog Tax Collector, Ranger, Caretaker of the Municipal Dipping Tank and be able to mix dip.  Kafir language essential.”—­South African Paper.

And he’ll want a lot of it.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE WAIT.  HIS MASTER’S VOICE.  “I’VE NOTHING FOR YOU.  GO AWAY!”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Mr. Podgers (persuasively hospitable).  “NOW COME, GRANDMA, DO ALLOW ME TO GIVE YOU JUST A LITTLE—­SAY FIVE SHILLINGSWORTH—­MORE TURKEY.”]

* * * * *

SIDNI THE STOREMAN.

FRAGMENT OF AN EDDA.

  At the downcome of darkness
  Up to the trenches
  Fared he forth,
  Sidni the Storeman. 
  On bent back
  Bore he the Rum Jar,
  Bringing a boon
  To the Folk in the Front Line.