“Not a muscle moved in Mr. Rogers’ pale and placid countenance, you would hardly have thought he lived; but turning to Luttrell, whose mouth twisted and whose eye rolled at the fun of the mistake, he simply whispered, ‘Non tali auxilio, &c.’  Barton survived it, and is still alive and merry.

“I perceive that there have been changes at the Admiralty.  Dyer, Darch, and Riley superannuated.  Hay takes Darch’s place as reading clerk.  This is right.  Hay is a gentleman, and a man of business.  Met Sir Francis—­which Sir Francis, you would say, for there are two who frequent the Admiralty, the obtuse and the clever.  I mean the clever.  ’Well, Frank, how goes on the Vernon, and how did she go off the other day?  No want of water, I presume.’  ’No; thank heaven for that!  Why, she went off beautifully, but the lubberly mateys contrived to get her foul of the hulk, and Lord Vernon came out of the conflict minus a leg and an arm.’—­’Who had you there?’ ’Upon my honour I hardly know.  I was so busy paying my devoirs to Lady Graham; she looked for all the world like a mermaid, as she stood by the bows and christened the vessel.  Her hair hung down as straight as the lower rigging when first put over the mast heads.’—­’I wish I had such a beautiful mermaid for a wife,’ replied H——­, who had joined and listened to our conversation.  ’What a pretty creature is that Miss E——­; she looked as fresh as if she had just come out of a shower bath.’  ‘Well, so she had.’”

* * * * *

“I went to the Opera on Tuesday to hear Mariani.  She is splendid—­confounded plain, but that’s no consequence.  That Grisi screams rather too much, although she acts well, and has a pretty person, if it was washed.  I believe Brugnoli’s toes are made of cast iron. Toe K—­g, could make no impression upon them.  You know how K—­g obtained that name.  He is a little puffy fellow, who goes about town, making acquaintance with every body—­is endured at watering places for his poodle qualities of ‘fetch and carry:’  he is very anxious to become acquainted with noblemen, and his plan is to sidle up and tread very lightly upon an aristocratical toe—­then an immediate apology, and the apology is followed also with the wind and weather, and the leading topic of the day, a knowledge of his lordship’s friends or relations, and a good morning.  The next day when they meet, a polite bow from Mr. K—­g, and if an opportunity offers he enters into conversation, and thus establishes his acquaintance.

“Such is his EXTREME method of introducing himself, which deserves credit for its ingenuity and exclusiveness.  I once knew a man who had only one story, and that was about a gun.  His difficulty was to introduce this story, and he at last succeeded, like K—­g, by the use of his foot.  When sitting after dinner he would stamp under the table and create a hollow sound.  Then, God bless me! what’s that—­a gun?  By the by, talking about guns—­and then came his story.”