FIRST FOOTMAN
That lives in Chris-cross Row.

MR. H. Go, for a couple of ungrateful, inquisitive, senseless rascals!  Go hang, starve, or drown!—­Rogues, to speak thus irreverently of the alphabet—­I shall live to see you glad to serve old Q—­to curl the wig of great S—­adjust the dot of little i—­stand behind the chair of X, Y, Z—­wear the livery of Et-caetera—­and ride behind the sulky of And-by-itself-and!

[Exit in a rage.]

ACT II

SCENE.—­A handsome Apartment well lighted, Tea, Cards, &c.—­A large party of Ladies and Gentlemen, among them MELESINDA.

FIRST LADY
I wonder when the charming man will be here.

SECOND LADY
He is a delightful creature!  Such a polish——­

THIRD LADY
Such an air in all that he does or says——­

FOURTH LADY
Yet gifted with a strong understanding——­

FIFTH LADY
But has your ladyship the remotest idea of what his true name is?

FIRST LADY
They say, his very servants do not know it.  His French valet, that has
lived with him these two years——­

SECOND LADY
There, Madam, I must beg leave to set you right:  my coachman——­

FIRST LADY
I have it from the very best authority:  my footman——­

SECOND LADY
Then, Madam, you have set your servants on——­

FIRST LADY
No, Madam, I would scorn any such little mean ways of conning at a
secret.  For my part, I don’t think any secret of that consequence.

SECOND LADY
That’s just like me; I make a rule of troubling my head with nobody’s
business but my own.

MELESINDA
But then, she takes care to make everybody’s business her own, and so to
justify herself that way——­(aside).

FIRST LADY
My dear Melesinda, you look thoughtful.

MELESINDA
Nothing.  SECOND LADY
Give it a name.

MELESINDA
Perhaps it is nameless.

FIRST LADY
As the object——­Come, never blush, nor deny it, child.  Bless me, what
great ugly thing is that, that dangles at your bosom?

MELESINDA
This? it is a cross:  how do you like it?

SECOND LADY
A cross!  Well, to me it looks for all the world like a great staring H.

(Here a general laugh.)

MELESINDA
Malicious creatures!  Believe me it is a cross, and nothing but a cross.

FIRST LADY
A cross, I believe, you would willingly hang at.

MELESINDA
Intolerable spite!

(MR. H. is announced.)

(Enter MR. H.)

FIRST LADY
O, Mr. H. we are so glad——­

SECOND LADY
We have been so dull——­

THIRD LADY
So perfectly lifeless——­You owe it to us, to be more than commonly
entertaining.

MR. H.
Ladies, this is so obliging——­