MR. H.
Zounds, fellow, I give him a shilling for leaving out my name, not for
putting it in.  This is one of the plaguy comforts of going anonymous.

[Exit Second Waiter.]

Enter Third Waiter.

THIRD WAITER
Two letters for Mr. H. [Exit.]

MR. H. From ladies (opens them).  This from Melesinda, to remind me of the morning call I promised; the pretty creature positively languishes to be made Mrs. H. I believe I must indulge her (affectedly).  This from her cousin, to bespeak me to some party, I suppose (opening it)—­Oh, “this evening”—­“Tea and cards”—­(surveying himself with complacency).  Dear H., thou art certainly a pretty fellow.  I wonder what makes thee such a favourite among the ladies:  I wish it may not be owing to the concealment of thy unfortunate—­pshaw!

Enter Fourth Waiter.

FOURTH WAITER
Sir, one Mr. Printagain is enquiring for you.

MR. H.
Oh, I remember, the poet; he is publishing by subscription.  Give him a
guinea, and tell him he may put me down.

FOURTH WAITER
What name shall I tell him, Sir?

MR. H.
Zounds, he is a poet; let him fancy a name.

[Exit Fourth Waiter.]

Enter Fifth Waiter.

FIFTH WAITER
Sir, Bartlemy the lame beggar, that you sent a private donation to last
Monday, has by some accident discovered his benefactor, and is at the
door waiting to return thanks.

MR. H. Oh, poor fellow, who could put it into his head?  Now I shall be teazed by all his tribe, when once this is known.  Well, tell him I am glad I could be of any service to him, and send him away.

FIFTH WAITER
I would have done so, Sir; but the object of his call now, he says, is
only to know who he is obliged to.

MR. H.
Why, me.

FIFTH WAITER
Yes, Sir.

MR. H.
Me, me, me, who else, to be sure?

FIFTH WAITER
Yes, Sir; but he is anxious to know the name of his benefactor.

MR. H. Here is a pampered rogue of a beggar, that cannot be obliged to a gentleman in the way of his profession, but he must know the name, birth, parentage, and education of his benefactor.  I warrant you, next he will require a certificate of one’s good behaviour, and a magistrate’s licence in one’s pocket, lawfully empowering so and so to—­give an alms.  Any thing more?  FIFTH WAITER

Yes, Sir:  here has been Mr. Patriot, with the county petition to sign; and Mr. Failtime, that owes so much money, has sent to remind you of your promise to bail him.

MR. H. Neither of which I can do, while I have no name.  Here is more of the plaguy comforts of going anonymous, that one can neither serve one’s friend nor one’s country.  Damn it, a man had better be without a nose, than without a name.  I will not live long in this mutilated, dismembered state; I will to Melesinda this instant, and try to forget these vexations.  Melesinda! there is music in the name; but then, hang it, there is none in mine to answer to it. [Exit.]