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FOR NEUTRALS

“Why do we torpedo passenger ships?  Because we are being starved by the infamous English.”

FOR NATIVES

“Who says we are in distress?  Look what our splendid organisation is doing.”]

Small wonder that Lovelace in the trenches envies the Flying Man: 

  He rides aloof on god-like wings,
    Taking no thought of wire or mud,
  Saps, smells, or bugs—­the mundane things
    That sour our lives and have our blood.

  The roads we trudged with feet of lead,
    The shadows of his pinions skim;
  The river where we piled our dead
    Is but a silver thread to him.

Lovelace in the air might tell another story; but both are at one with their prototype in the spirit which made him say:  “I could not love thee, dear, so much, loved I not honour more,” though neither of them would say it.

In this context one may add that the Flying Men are not alone in exciting envy.  Bread is the staff of life, and in the view of certain officers in the trenches the life of the Staff is one long loaf.

The discussion on the withdrawal of Members’ salaries has died down.  The incident is now buried, and here is its epitaph: 

  Some three-score years or so ago six hundred gallant men
  Made a charge that cost old England dear; they lost four hundred then: 
  To-day six hundred make a charge that costs the country dear,
  But now they take four hundred each—­four hundred pounds a year.

Our journalists have been visiting the Fleet, and one of them, in a burst of candour tempered with caution, declares that “one would like to describe much more than one has seen, but that is impossible.”  Some other correspondents have found no such difficulty.  But for admirable candour commend us to the Daily Mail of December 24, where we read, “The Daily Mail will not be published to-morrow, and for that reason we seize the occasion to-day of bidding our readers a Merry Christmas”—­and a very good reason too.  Mr. Punch is glad to reprint a ten-year-old girl’s essay on “Patriotism”:  “Patriotism is composed of patriots, and they are people who live in Ireland and want Mr. Redmond or other people to be King of Ireland.  They are very brave, some of them, and are so called after St. Patrick, who is Ireland’s private saint.  The patriots who are brave make splendid soldiers.  The patriots who are not brave go to America.”  And here is a topical extract from a letter written to a loved one from the Front: 

“I received your dear little note in a sandbag.  You say that you hope the sandbag stops a bullet.  Well, to tell the truth, I hope it don’t, as I have been patching my trousers with it.”

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TOMMY (dictating letter to be sent to his wife):  “The nurses here are a very plain lot—­”