If we’re standin’ in two foot o’ water, you see
  Quite likely the Boches are standin’ in three;
  An’ though the keen frost may be ticklin’ our toes,
  ‘Oo doubts that the Boches’ ’ole bodies is froze?

  So ‘ere’s our philosophy, simple an’ plain: 
  Wotever we ‘ates in the bloomin’ campaign,
  ‘Tis balm to our souls, as we grumble an’ cuss,
  To feel that the Boches are ‘atin’ it wuss.

Hardest of all is the lot of the trooper in the trenches, who “thinks all day and dreams all night of a slap-bang, tally-ho! open fight,” but for the time being “like a blinded mole toils in a furrow and lives in a hole.”

[Illustration:  AN UNAUTHORISED FLIRTATION

THE KAISER (to Austrian Emperor):  “Franz!  Franz!  I’m surprised and pained.”]

The National Thrift campaign is carried on with great earnestness in Parliament.  Luxury, waste, unnecessary banquets, high legal salaries have all come under the lash of the economy hunters.  Of the maxim that “Charity begins, at home,” they have, however, so far shown no appreciation beyond abstaining from voting any addition to their salary of L400 a year.  Mr. Asquith’s announcement that he takes his salary, and is going to continue taking it, has naturally lifted a great weight from the minds of these vicarious champions of economy.

[Illustration:  TOMMY (finding a German prisoner who speaks English):  “Look what you done to me, you blighters!  ’Ere—­’ave a cigarette?”]

Evidence of the chastened condition of the enemy is to be found in the statement on the official notepaper of Wolff’s Telegraphic Bureau “that it assumes no responsibility of any kind for the accuracy of the news which it circulates.”  But there is no confirmation of the report that its dispatches will in future be known as “Lamb’s Tales.”  The German Imperial Chancellor has replied to an appeal from a deputation of German Roman Catholics on behalf of the Armenians that “The German Government, in friendly communication with the Turkish Government, has been at constant pains to better the situation of Turkey’s Christian subjects.”  Thanks to this friendly intervention, more than half a million Armenians will never suffer again from Turkish misrule.

Mr. Roosevelt has added to the picturesqueness of political invective by describing Mr. Wilson’s last Presidential message as “worthy of a Byzantine logothete.”  It is not often that one finds a rough-rider and ex-cowboy who is able to tackle a don in his own lingo.  But Tommy at the front manages to converse with the poilu without any vocabulary at all: 

  I met a chap the other day a-roostin’ in a trench,
  ’E didn’t know a word of ours nor me a word of French,
  An’ ’ow it was we managed—­well, I cannot understand,
  But I never used the phrase-book, though I ’ad it in my hand.

  I winked at ’im to start with; ’e grinned from ear to ear;
  An’ ‘e says “Tipperary,” an’ I says “Sooveneer”;
  ’E ’ad my only Woodbine, I ’ad ’is thin cigar,
  Which set the ball a-rollin’, an’ so—­well, there you are!