The Archbishop of Cologne says that, on being congratulated on his Eastern successes, the Kaiser “turned his eyes to heaven with the most indescribable expression of intense gratitude and religious fervour.”  Yes, we can quite imagine that it beggared description.  But there is no difficulty in finding the right phrase for his address to the inhabitants of Warsaw:  “We wage war only against hostile troops, not against peaceful citizens.”  It is not “splendide mendax.”  That is the due of boys who overstate, and men who understate, their age in order to serve their country in the field.

[Illustration:  OFFICER (to boy of thirteen who, in his effort to get taken on as a bugler, has given his age as sixteen):  “Do you know where boys go who tell lies?”

APPLICANT:  “To the Front, sir.”]

A correspondent reminds Mr. Punch that four years ago he wrote as follows:  “Lord Haldane, in defending the Territorials, declared that he expects to be dead before any political party seriously suggests compulsory military service.  We understand that, since making this statement, our War Minister has received a number of telegrams from Germany wishing him long life.”  But we suspect that when he said dead he meant politically dead.  Still, we owe Lord Haldane the Territorials, and they are doing great work in Europe and most valuable, if thankless, work in India.  As “One of the Punch brigade” writes:  “The hearts of very few of the Territorials now garrisoning India are in their work, though, of course, we know that actually it is essential duty we are performing.”  “They also serve,” who patiently endure the dull routine of existence largely spent in a stifling fort on the blistering and dust-swept plains, and find relief in the smallest incident that breaks the monotony.  As, for example, when a quartermaster-sergeant was held up by a native guard at a bridge, and, on demanding an explanation, had his attention directed to the notices on the wall, “Elephants and traction engines are not allowed to cross this bridge.”

September, 1915.

The Tsar has succeeded the Grand Nicholas as Generalissimo of his armies, and the great Russian retreat has ended.  Yet it would be rash to say that the one event has caused the other.  Lord Kitchener’s statement that on the Eastern front the Germans had “almost shot their last bolt” is a better summary, and when we reflect on their enormous superiority in artillery and equipment, that is a great tribute to the strategy of the Grand Duke in conducting the most difficult retreat of modern times.  Germany, though a mistress of the entire alphabet of frightfulness, is making increasing play with the U’s and Z’s, and Admiral Percy Scott, who predicted the dangers of the former, is now entrusted with the task of coping with the latter menace.