“Thank you,” said the other.  “Very well,” he continued, “the next interval will be wholly spent in the exciting and delightful task of identifying the nobs, in which the nobs themselves will take a part.  And if there is still a third interval it will be equally amusingly filled by conversation as to the pasts or costumes of the more famous of the female nobs who are present—­an interchange of opinion as to the lowness of their necks, conjectures as to the genuineness of their hair, and so forth.  Do you see?”

The manager went to the sideboard and brought back some glasses and a bottle.  “Yes,” he said, “I see.  There’s something in what you say.  But you don’t explain how the names are to be obtained?”

“How?” exclaimed the other.  “Why, ask for them, to be sure.  You’ll have to begin with a few blanks, of course, but directly it gets known that you’re publishing them during the evening they’ll all come in.  Bless your soul, I know them! and if the nobs don’t tumble to it the snobs will, and they’re numerically strong enough to keep any play running.  You won’t have to worry about the play.  As for the back rows of the stalls, where you put the people from the other theatres, why, they’ll absolutely push their visiting-cards at you.  What do you say?”

“I think it’s ingenious,” said the manager, “and not to be dismissed lightly.  But I don’t see anything to prevent all the other managers copying it.”

“There isn’t,” said the inventor.  “Nothing ever has been done or will be done that can prevent theatrical managers from copying each other.  It’s chronic.  But you’ll be the first, remember that; and the pioneer often has some credit.  You’ll get the start, and that means a lot.  For some months, at any rate, it will be your theatre to which the snobs will crowd.”

Such was the interview.

What the manager will decide cannot yet be stated, for the week has not expired.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  First Mite.  “AIN’T ’E JUST LIKE THE PICTURES, LIZ?  I BETCHER ’E’S A COWBOY.”

Second ditto.  “GARN!  ’E’S ONLY A SOLDIER.”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  HUMOURS OF A REMOUNT CAMP.

Staff Officer.  “I RODE THIS HORSE YOU SENT ME ON TUESDAY AND HE WAS ALL RIGHT.  BUT WHEN I RODE HIM ON WEDNESDAY HE WAS MUCH TOO FRISKY.”

Remount Officer.  “WELL, WHY NOT RIDE HIM ONLY ON TUESDAYS?”]

* * * * *

    “GOOSE.—­Remembrance and many thanks for war dividends.”—­Daily
    Telegraph.

This is the best it can do under present conditions.  Golden eggs are “off.”

* * * * *

    “It was Tennyson who told us that there are ’books in running
    brooks and sermons in stones.’”

But it was SHAKSPEARE who said it first.