20th.—­“Spent most of the afternoon with Lucy, who is sick.  She held my hand in hers and kissed it over and over, and expressed so much love and gratitude and interest in the Sunday-school that I felt ashamed.

24th—­Helped mother bake all the morning, studied in the afternoon, got into a frolic, and went out after dark with G. to shovel snow, and then paddled down to L——­’s with a Christmas-pudding, whereby I got a real backache, legache, neckache, and all-overache, which is just good enough for me.  I was in the funniest state of mind this afternoon!  I guess anybody, who had seen me, would have thought so!

25th, Saturday.—­Got up early and ran down to Sally Johnson’s with a big pudding, consequence whereof a horrible pain in my side.  I don’t care, though.  I do love to carry puddings to good old grannies.

Jan. 1, 1842.—­Began the New Year by going to see Lucy, fainting, tumbling down flat on the floor and scaring everybody half out of their wits.  I don’t think people ought to like me, on the whole, but when they do, aint I glad?  I wonder if perfectly honest-hearted people want to be loved better than they deserve, as in one sense I, with yet a pretty honest heart, do?  I wonder how other folks think, feel inside?  Wish I knew!

Most of the year 1842 was passed at home in household duties, in study, and in trying to do good.  Never had she been busier, or more helpful to her mother; and never more interested in the things of God.  It was a year of genuine spiritual growth and also of sharp discipline.  The true ideal of the Christian life revealed itself to her more and more distinctly, while at the same time she had opportunity both to learn and to practise some of its hardest lessons.  A few extracts from letters to her cousin will give an inkling of its character.

March 19, 1842.—­Sometimes I have thought my desire to live for my Saviour and to labor for Him had increased.  It certainly seems wonderful to me now that I could ever have wished to die, as I used to do, when I had done nothing for God.  The way of life which appears most attractive, is that spent in persevering and unwearying toil for Him.  There was a warmth and a fervency to my religious feelings the first year after my true hope which I do not find now and often sigh for; but I think my mind is more seriously determined for God than it was then, and that my principles are more fixed.  Still I am less than the least of all....  I have read not quite five cantos of Tasso.  You will think me rather indolent, but I have had a great deal to do, which has hindered study and reading.

May 3d—­The Christian life was never dearer to me than it is now, but it throngs with daily increasing difficulties.  You, who have become a believer in perfection, may say that this conflict is not essential, and indeed I have been so weary, of late, of struggling that I am almost ready to fly to the doctrine myself.  I have certainly been made more willing to seek knowledge on this point from the Holy Spirit.