Gus.  “INDEED!  DOES THE BLINKIN’ IDIOT SAY WHO WE’VE BEEN UP AGAINST ALL THIS TIME?”]

* * * * *

    “Wanted, at once, three Slack Carters; constant
    employment.”—­Lancaster Observer.

We fear that intending applicants may be put off by the conditions.

* * * * *

    “WHERE MY CARAVAN HAS RESTED—­in A flat.”—­Advt. in Provincial
    Paper.

And, in the recent weather, a very good place for it.

* * * * *

WAR-TIME TAGS FROM “JULIUS CAESAR.”

A “TAKE COVER” CONSTABLE TO A “SPECIAL.”

  “I’ll about,
  And drive away the vulgar from the streets;
  So do you too, where you perceive them thick.”—­Act I. Sc. 1.

A WISE MAN.

  “Good night, then, Casca:  this disturbed sky
  Is not to walk in.”—­Act I. Sc. 3.

A RASH MAN.

  “For my part, I have walked about the streets... 
  Even in the aim and very flash of it.”—­Act I. Sc. 3.

TO A MUNITION STRIKER.

  “But wherefore art not in thy shop to-day?”—­Act I. Sc. 1.

TO A LADY CLERK.

  “Is this a holiday? 
  What dost thou with thy best apparel on?”—­Act I. Sc. 1.

TO LORD RHONDDA
(with a whear and potato war-loaf).

  “Till then, my noble friend, chew upon this.”—­Act I. Sc. 2.

* * * * *

THE TRANSLATOR SEES THROUGH IT.

Announcement by a French publisher:—­

    “Vient de paraitre:—­’M.  Britling commence a voir clair.’”

* * * * *

    “MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS.

    A Large Quantity of Old Bricks for Sale.”—­Dublin Evening
    Herald.

Do not shoot the pianist.  Throw a brick at him instead.

* * * * *

Regarding a certain judge:—­

    “Hence so many reversals by the Court of Appeal that suitors
    were often more uneasy if they lost their case before him than
    if they won it.”—­Irish Times.

We assume that they were Irishmen.

* * * * *

    “Elderly Lady Requires Post, as companion, Secretary or any
    position of trust, would keep clergyman’s wife in Parish,
    etc.”—­Church Family Newspaper.

But the difficulty with the parson’s wife in some parishes, we are told, is just the reverse of this.

* * * * *

    “Duck and drake (wild) wanted; must be tame.”—­Scotsman.

We dislike this frivolity in a serious paper.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  OUR YOUNG VETERANS.

Grandfather.  “JUST HAD A TOPPING BIT OF NEWS, OLD DEAR.  GERALD’S WANGLED THE D.S.O.”