By the time I got ’ome next morning my eyes was so swelled up I could ’ardly see, and my nose wouldn’t let me touch it.  I was so done up I could ’ardly speak, but I managed to tell my missus about it arter I had ‘ad a cup o’ tea.  Judging by her face anybody might ha’ thought I was telling ’er something funny, and, when I ’ad finished, she looks up at the ceiling and ses: 

“I ’ope it’ll be a lesson to you,” she ses.

FAMILY CARES

Mr. Jernshaw, who was taking the opportunity of a lull in business to weigh out pound packets of sugar, knocked his hands together and stood waiting for the order of the tall bronzed man who had just entered the shop—­a well-built man of about forty—­who was regarding him with blue eyes set in quizzical wrinkles.

“What, Harry!” exclaimed Mr. Jernshaw, in response to the wrinkles.  “Harry Barrett!”

“That’s me,” said the other, extending his hand.  “The rolling stone come home covered with moss.”

Mr. Jernshaw, somewhat excited, shook hands, and led the way into the little parlour behind the shop.

“Fifteen years,” said Mr. Barrett, sinking into a chair, “and the old place hasn’t altered a bit.”

“Smithson told me he had let that house in Webb Street to a Barrett,” said the grocer, regarding him, “but I never thought of you.  I suppose you’ve done well, then?”

Mr. Barrett nodded.  “Can’t grumble,” he said modestly.  “I’ve got enough to live on.  Melbourne’s all right, but I thought I’d come home for the evening of my life.”

“Evening!” repeated his friend.  “Forty-three,” said Mr. Barrett, gravely.  “I’m getting on.”

“You haven’t changed much,” said the grocer, passing his hand through his spare grey whiskers.  “Wait till you have a wife and seven youngsters.  Why, boots alone——­”

Mr. Barrett uttered a groan intended for sympathy.  “Perhaps you could help me with the furnishing,” he said, slowly.  “I’ve never had a place of my own before, and I don’t know much about it.”

“Anything I can do,” said his friend.  “Better not get much yet; you might marry, and my taste mightn’t be hers.”

Mr. Barrett laughed.  “I’m not marrying,” he said, with conviction.

“Seen anything of Miss Prentice yet?” inquired Mr. Jernshaw.

“No,” said the other, with a slight flush.  “Why?”

“She’s still single,” said the grocer.

“What of it?” demanded Mr. Barrett, with warmth.  “What of it?”

“Nothing,” said Mr. Jernshaw, slowly.  “Nothing; only I——­”

“Well?” said the other, as he paused.

“I—­there was an idea that you went to Australia to—­to better your condition,” murmured the grocer.  “That—­that you were not in a position to marry—­that——­”

“Boy and girl nonsense,” said Mr. Barrett, sharply.  “Why, it’s fifteen years ago.  I don’t suppose I should know her if I saw her.  Is her mother alive?”