“Wot do you want?” ses my missus, trembling with passion.  “Wot do you think you’re doing?”

“I want my ’usband, Bill,” ses the woman.

My missus put her ’and to her throat and came in without a word, and the woman follered ‘er.  If I hadn’t kept my presence o’ mind and shut the door two or three more would ’ave come in too.

I went into the kitchen about ten minutes arterwards to see ’ow they was getting on.  Besides which they was both calling for me.

“Now then!” ses my missus, who was leaning up against the dresser with ’er arms folded, “wot ’ave you got to say for yourself walking in as bold as brass with this hussy?”

“Bill!” ses the woman, “did you hear wot she called me?”

She spoke to me like that afore my wife, and in two minutes they was at it, hammer and tongs.

Fust of all they spoke about each other, and then my missus started speaking about me.  She’s got a better memory than most people, because she can remember things that never ’appened, and every time I coughed she turned on me like a tiger.

“And as for you,” she ses, turning to the woman, “if you did marry ’im you should ha’ made sure that he ’adn’t got a wife already.”

“He married me fust,” ses the woman.

“When?” ses my wife.  “Wot was the date?”

“Wot was the date you married ’im?” ses the other one.

They stood looking at each other like a couple o’ game-cocks, and I could see as plain as a pike-staff ’ow frightened both of ’em was o’ losing me.

“Look here!” I ses at last, to my missus, “talk sense.  ’Ow could I be married to ’er?  When I was at sea I was at sea, and when I was ashore I was with you.”

“Did you use to go down to the ship to see ’im off?” ses the woman.

“No,” ses my wife.  “I’d something better to do.”

“Neither did I,” ses the woman.  “P’raps that’s where we both made a mistake.”

“You get out of my ’ouse!” ses my missus, very sudden.  “Go on, afore I put you out.”

“Not without my Bill,” ses the woman.  “If you lay a finger on me I’ll scream the house down.”

“You brought her ’ere,” ses my wife, turning to me, “now you can take ’er away?”

“I didn’t bring ’er,” I ses.  “She follered me.”

“Well, she can foller you agin,” she ses.  “Go on!” she ses, trembling all over.  “Git out afore I start on you.”

I was in such a temper that I daren’t trust myself to stop.  I just gave ’er one look, and then I drew myself up and went out.  ’Alf the fools in our street was standing in front of the ’ouse, ’umming like bees, but I took no notice.  I held my ’ead up and walked through them with that woman trailing arter me.

I was in such a state of mind that I went on like a man in a dream.  If it had ha’ been a dream I should ha’ pushed ’er under an omnibus, but you can’t do things like that in real life.