C.C.

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EPITAPH

On S——­ E——­, an intelligent and amiable boy, who was unfortunately drowned while bathing.

Though gentle as a dove, his soul sublime,
For heav’n impatient, would not wait for time;
Ere youth had bloom’d his virtues ripe were seen,
A man in intellect! a child in mien! 
A hallow’d wave from mercy’s fount was pour’d,
And, wash’d from clay, to bliss his spirit soar’d.

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A HOLY HERMIT.

A hermit, named Parnhe, being upon the road to meet his bishop who had sent for him, met a lady most magnificently dressed, whose incomparable beauty drew the eyes of every body on her.  The saint having looked at her, and being himself struck with astonishment, immediately burst into tears.  Those who were with him wondering to see him weep, demanded the cause of his grief.  “I have two reasons,” replied he, “for my tears; I weep to think how fatal an impression that woman makes on all who behold her; and I am touched with sorrow when I reflect that I, for my salvation, and to please God, have never taken one-tenth part of the pains which this woman has taken to please men alone.”

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BUNGLING TRANSLATION.

At a country village in Yorkshire, was an old established cobbler, who cracked his joke, loved his pipe and lived happy.  In short, he was a sober and industrious man.  His quiet, however, was disturbed by an unexpected opposition in his trade, at the same village, and to add to his misfortune, the new comer established himself directly opposite to the old cobbler’s stall, and at the same time to show his learning and probity, painted in large letters over his door, “Mens conscia recti.”  To conceive the meaning of this, the poor cobbler laboured night and day, but unsuccessfully; he at last determined that this “consciarecti” was a new sort of shoe made for men’s use; he therefore painted over his door, “Men’s and Women’s consciarecti,” where it remains still.

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A schoolboy reading Cassar’s “Commentaries” came to translate the following passage thus:  “Caesar venit in Gallia summa diligentia.”  “Caesar came into Gaul on the top of the Diligence.”

O.O.

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VERY BAD.

A wag, who “will be the death of us,” says he bought a cake the other evening:—­“It is thundering weight,” observed the baker:  “I hope it will not lighten before I get it home,” was the equivocal reply.

Q.

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IMPROMPTU