***

Many grocers and publicans, it is stated, have already been combed out of the Welsh coal mines.  Efforts to comb the others out of their gold mines are meeting with only indifferent success.

***

British grit will win, declares Sir William Robertson.  If some of our elderly statesmen will refrain from dropping theirs into the machinery.

***

The London Fire Brigade has been given permission to form a band.  The lack of some method of keeping the crowd amused at the more protracted fires has often proved an embarrassment to the force.

***

The big elephant at the Zoo has been destroyed, says a news item.  A maximum price for potted game is already being considered by the Food Ministry.

***

Charged with selling bacon that was bad, a firm of grocers pleaded that the stuff had been released by the Government.  At first sight it looked as if it had merely escaped from custody.

***

The man who was last week charged at a London police court with posing as a Government official has been put back for the state of his mind to be inquired into.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Scandalised Voice from Gallery. “’Ere, WOT’S the paper controller DOIN’?”]

* * * * *

    “The late Mr. Merryweather, who was in his 78th year,
    was responsible for great developments in fire-lighting
    appliances.”—­Scotsman.

A good scheme—­light it first and fight it afterwards.

* * * * *

    “Supposing a wolf were to attack you and your family, what
    would you do?—­Mr. Hedderwick.

    “I would point out that season tickets are issued by
    railway companies only as an act of grace.—­Sir William
    Forbes.”—­The Star.

Our contemporary heads this “Words Winged To-day.”

* * * * *

From “A Word to the Churches,” by Miss Marie Corelli:—­

    “‘A word’ of solemn warning was uttered by the Angel of
    the Seven Spirits to the Church in Sardis....

    “And this ‘word’ was fulfilled to the letter, for, as Herodotus
    tells us, ‘Sardis was taken and utterly sacked.’”—­Daily
    Graphic.

We fancy the passage must occur in Book X., in which we also find the famous account of the capture of Timbuctoo by the Roman Emperor Montezuma in the fourth Punic War—­or was it the fifth Crusade?

* * * * *

To the German people.

  Each to his taste:  if you prefer
    The KAISER’S whip across your flanks;
  If you enjoy the bloody spur
    That rips your cannon-fodder’s ranks;
  If to his boots you still adhere,
    Kissing ’em as you’ve always kissed ’em,
  Why, who are we to interfere
    With your internal Teuton system?