CHARIVARIA.

“How the Germans never got wind of it,” writes a correspondent of the British attack on the Hindenburg line, “is a mystery.”  The failure of certain M.P.’s to ask questions about it in Parliament beforehand may have had something to do with it.

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An order has been promulgated fixing the composition of horse chaff.  The approach of the pantomime season is thought to be responsible for it.

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“We are particularly anxious,” writes the Ministry of Food, “that Christmas plum-puddings should not be kept for any length of time.”  A Young Patriots’ League has been formed, we understand, whose members are bent on carrying out Lord RHONDDA’S wishes at any cost to their parents.

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Another birthplace of st. George has been captured in Palestine.  It is now definitely established that the sainted warrior’s habit of trying to carry-on in two places at the same time was the subject of much adverse criticism by the military experts of the period.

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A Camberley man charged with deserting the Navy and joining the Army explained that he was tired of waiting for tirpitz to come out.  We are informed that Commander Carlyon BELLAIRS, M.P., and Admiral W.H.  Henderson have been asked to enlighten the poor fellow as to the true state of affairs.

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A skull of the Bronze Age has been found on Salisbury Plain.  Several hats of the brass age have also been seen in the vicinity.

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Imports of ostrich feathers have fallen from L33,000 in 1915 to L182 in 1917.  Ostrich farmers, it appears, are on the verge of ruin as the result of their inability to obtain scissors and other suitable foodstuffs for the birds.

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“Measures are being taken to check pacifists,” says Sir George Cave.  Prison-yard measures, we hope.

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A Stoke Newington constable has discovered a happy method of taking people’s minds off their food troubles.  During the last month he has served fifty of them with dog-summonses.

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Five hundred pounds have been sent to the Chancellor of the exchequer by an anonymous donor.  It is thought that the man is concealing his identity to avoid being made a baronet.

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“What is the use of corporations if they can do nothing useful?” asks Councillor stock, of Margate.  It is an alluring topic, but a patriotic Press has decided that it must be postponed in favour of the War.

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During trench-digging on Salisbury Plain the skeleton of a young man, apparently buried about the year 600 B.C., was unearthed.  The skull was partially fractured, evidently by a battle-axe.  Foul play is suspected.

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Sugar was sold for half-a-guinea a pound at a charity sale in the South of England, and local grocers are complaining bitterly of unfair competition.