dropped a coal-hod in.  It went down, down down, bounding and rebounding.  In two hours and a quarter that coal-hod came up again.  I caught it and restored it to the angry Grimler.  Just think a minute.  The coal-hod went down, faster and faster, till it reached the centre of the earth.  There it would stop, were it not for acquired momentum.  Beyond the centre its journey was relatively upward, toward the opposite surface of the globe.  So, losing velocity, it went slower and slower till it reached that surface.  Here it came to rest for a second and then fell back again, eight thousand odd miles, into my hands.  Had I not interfered with it, it would have repeated its journey, time after time, each trip of shorter extent, like the diminishing oscillations of a pendulum, till it finally came to eternal rest at the centre of the sphere.  I am not slow to give a practical application to any such grand discovery.  My Dun Suppressor was born of it.  A trap, just outside my chamber door:  a spring in here:  a creditor on the trap:—­need I say more?”

“But isn’t it a trifle inhuman?” I mildly suggested.  “Plunging an unhappy being into a perpetual journey to and from Kerguellen’s Land, without a moment’s warning.”

“I give them a chance.  When they come up the first time I wait at the mouth of the shaft with a rope in hand.  If they are reasonable and will come to terms, I fling them the line.  If they perish, ’tis their own fault.  Only,” he added, with a melancholy smile, “the centre is getting so plugged up with creditors that I am afraid there soon will be no choice whatever for ’em.”

By this time I had conceived a high opinion of my tutor’s ability.  If anybody could send me waltzing through space at an infinite speed, Rivarol could do it.  I filled my pipe and told him the story.  He heard with grave and patient attention.  Then, for full half an hour, he whiffed away in silence.  Finally he spoke.

“The ancient cipher has overreached himself.  He has given you a choice of two problems, both of which he deems insoluble.  Neither of them is insoluble.  The only gleam of intelligence Old Cotangent showed was when he said that squaring the circle was too easy.  He was right.  It would have given you your Liebchen in five minutes.  I squared the circle before I discarded pantalets.  I will show you the work—­but it would be a digression, and you are in no mood for digressions.  Our first chance, therefore, lies in perpetual motion.  Now, my good friend, I will frankly tell you that, although I have compassed this interesting problem, I do not choose to use it in your behalf.  I too, Herr Tom, have a heart.  The loveliest of her sex frowns upon me.  Her somewhat mature charms are not for Jean Marie Rivarol.  She has cruelly said that her years demand of me filial rather than connubial regard.  Is love a matter of years or of eternity?  This question did I put to the cold, yet lovely Jocasta.”