destitution, and at the same time annoyed, perplexed, bewildered at having to commit himself to doing anything for me, worked himself into a nervous frenzy which deprived him of a clear sense of the value of his words and his actions; how I, prompted by the irresistible spirit of my desire to leap astride of his weakness and ride it hard to the goal of my dreams, cunningly contrived to keep his spirit at the fever-point, so that strength and reason and resistance should burn themselves out.  I shall probably never again have such a sensation as I enjoyed to-night—­actually feel a heated human heart throbbing and turning and struggling in my grasp; know its pants, its spasms, its convulsions, and its final senseless quiescence.  At half-past one o’clock Mr. Sloane got out of his chair, went to his secretary, opened a private drawer, and took out a folded paper.  “This is my will,” he said, “made some seven weeks ago.  If you will stay with me I will destroy it.”

“Really, Mr. Sloane,” I said, “if you think my purpose is to exert any pressure upon your testamentary inclinations—­”

“I will tear it in pieces,” he cried; “I will burn it up!  I shall be as sick as a dog to-morrow; but I will do it.  A-a-h!”

He clapped his hand to his side, as if in sudden, overwhelming pain, and sank back fainting into his chair.  A single glance assured me that he was unconscious.  I possessed myself of the paper, opened it, and perceived that he had left everything to his saintly secretary.  For an instant a savage, puerile feeling of hate popped up in my bosom, and I came within a hair’s-breadth of obeying my foremost impulse—­that of stuffing the document into the fire.  Fortunately, my reason overtook my passion, though for a moment it was an even race.  I put the paper back into the bureau, closed it, and rang the bell for Robert (the old man’s servant).  Before he came I stood watching the poor, pale remnant of mortality before me, and wondering whether those feeble life-gasps were numbered.  He was as white as a sheet, grimacing with pain—­horribly ugly.  Suddenly he opened his eyes; they met my own; I fell on my knees and took his hands.  They closed on mine with a grasp strangely akin to the rigidity of death.  Nevertheless, since then he has revived, and has relapsed again into a comparatively healthy sleep.  Robert seems to know how to deal with him.

22d.—­Mr. Sloane is seriously ill—­out of his mind and unconscious of people’s identity.  The doctor has been here, off and on, all day, but this evening reports improvement.  I have kept out of the old man’s room, and confined myself to my own, reflecting largely upon the chance of his immediate death.  Does Theodore know of the will?  Would it occur to him to divide the property?  Would it occur to me, in his place?  We met at dinner, and talked in a grave, desultory, friendly fashion.  After all, he’s an excellent fellow.  I don’t hate him.  I don’t even dislike him.  He jars on me, il m’agace; but that’s no reason why I should do him an evil turn.  Nor shall I. The property is a fixed idea, that’s all.  I shall get it if I can.  We are fairly matched.  Before heaven, no, we are not fairly matched!  Theodore has a conscience.