“You desire to write?  I do not prohibit it.  I have heretofore made no arrangement for hearing from you, in turn, because I could not discover that any advantage would accrue from it.  But it seems only fair, I confess, and you dare not think me capricious.  So, three days hence, at six o’clock in the evening, a trusty messenger of mine will call at your door.  If you have anything to give her for me, the act of giving it must be the sign of a compact on your part, that you will allow her to leave immediately, unquestioned and unfollowed.”

You look puzzled, I see:  you don’t catch the real drift of her words?  Well—­that’s a melancholy encouragement.  Neither did I, at the time:  it was plain that I had disappointed her in some way, and my intercourse with, or manner toward, women, had something to do with it.  In vain I ran over as much of my later social life as I could recall.  There had been no special attention, nothing to mislead a susceptible heart; on the other side, certainly no rudeness, no want of “chivalrous” (she used the word!) respect and attention.  What, in the name of all the gods, was the matter?

In spite of all my efforts to grow clearer, I was obliged to write my letter in a rather muddled state of mind.  I had so much to say! sixteen folio pages, I was sure, would only suffice for an introduction to the case; yet, when the creamy vellum lay before me and the moist pen drew my fingers toward it, I sat stock dumb for half an hour.  I wrote, finally, in a half-desperate mood, without regard to coherency or logic.  Here’s a rough draft of a part of the letter, and a single passage from it will be enough: 

“I can conceive of no simpler way to you than the knowledge of your name and address.  I have drawn airy images of you, but they do not become incarnate, and I am not sure that I should recognize you in the brief moment of passing.  Your nature is not of those which are instantly legible.  As an abstract power, it has wrought in my life and it continually moves my heart with desires which are unsatisfactory because so vague and ignorant.  Let me offer you, personally, my gratitude, my earnest friendship:  you would laugh if I were now to offer more.”

Stay! here is another fragment, more reckless in tone: 

“I want to find the woman whom I can love—­who can love me.  But this is a masquerade where the features are hidden, the voice disguised, even the hands grotesquely gloved.  Come!  I will venture more than I ever thought was possible to me.  You shall know my deepest nature as I myself seem to know it.  Then, give me the commonest chance of learning yours, through an intercourse which shall leave both free, should we not feel the closing of the inevitable bond!”

After I had written that, the pages filled rapidly.  When the appointed hour arrived, a bulky epistle, in a strong linen envelope, sealed with five wax seals, was waiting on my table.  Precisely at six there was an announcement:  the door opened, and a little outside, in the shadow, I saw an old woman, in a threadbare dress of rusty black.