I have bribed barbers without success.  I have vainly shadowed men for a month who looked as if they intended growing beards.  I even took advantage of Armageddon to join the Navy, where beards are permitted; but when I tried to start growing one I was instantly reprimanded for not shaving by a bearded Commander, who had the same triumphant gleam of superiority which I had noticed ashore.

In the Old Testament there was no secrecy on the subject.  Somebody said, “Tarry in Jericho until your beards be grown.”  But I am quite satisfied in my own mind that modern beard-growers do not go to Jericho; I have established this fact.  No, there are in England properly organised beard-nurseries, and the secret of their whereabouts is jealously guarded; but I have by no means relaxed my determination to discover them, and to give to the world the results of my research.

* * * * *

Grand refusals.

At the private reception the night before Miss CARNEGIE’S wedding, “the ironmaster,” so we read in our Daily Mail, “entertained his guests with numerous reminiscences of his life, and it was observed that he interrupted a story concerning King Edward and Skibo to whisper something in his daughter’s ear concerning her dowry.  He was telling the guests how the King offered to make him a Duke if he would bring about a coalition between England and the United States.  ‘I told King Edward,’ said Mr. Carnegie, ’that in these United States every man is King.  Why should I be a Duke?’”

It is pleasant to read of the heroic refusal of the staunch Republican to compromise the principles which he so eloquently vindicated in his Triumphant Democracy; but it is only right to add that this is not an isolated case.

Thus it is a literally open secret that when a famous ventriloquist was offered the O.B.E. for his services in popularising the Navy, he refused the coveted distinction on the ground that it would be derogatory to a Prince to accept it.

When Sir Henry Duke retired from the Chief Secretaryship of Ireland he was offered a Viscounty, but declined the proffered distinction, wittily observing that as he was born a Duke he did not see why he should descend to a lower grade of the peerage.

Then there is the notorious case of Mr. King who, on being offered a peerage if he would desist from his criticisms of Mr. Lloyd George and his Ministry, pointed out that other monarchs might abdicate, but that those who thought he would do so clearly knew not Joseph.

As for the titles, decorations and distinctions offered by the ex-Kaiser to Mr. Harold BEGBIE if he would bring about a rapprochement between England and Germany, and patriotically declined by the eminent publicist, their name is legion.

* * * * *