Moscow, April 23rd. (By special cable to The Daily Blues.)—­The situation here, thanks to the preposterous conduct of the Allies, is desperate.  Food is unobtainable and Trotsky has only one pair of trousers.  Unless something is done the Soviet Committee will disintegrate and chaos ensue.  Already grave unrest is manifesting itself in various parts of the country.  Hackoff, the able Minister of Justice and Sociology, tells me that he has already raised the weekly executions of bourgeoisie from six to ten thousand, in a desperate endeavour to prevent disorder on the part of the populace.  It is not too late for the Peace Conference to act.  Trotsky admitted to me yesterday that, on receipt of fifty thousand pounds and a new pair of trousers as a guarantee of good faith, he would allow the Big Four to present their case to him.  He is firm on the subject of an indemnity and the execution of Mr. Bottomley.  Otherwise he is moderation itself.  But the Allies must act at once.  To-morrow will be too late.

ALGOL.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Pupil.  “WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS, AM I A BASS OR A BARITONE?”

Teacher.  “NO—­YOU’RE NOT.”]

* * * * *

INTELLIGENT ANTICIPATION.

    “If births can be arranged would not mind taking charge of children
    in lieu of passage.”

    Advt. in “Statesman.” (Calcutta).

* * * * *

    “It is unsafe even to curry favour with the French just to spite
    your own Prim Minister.”

    Sunday Paper.

Mr. LLOYD GEORGE has been called a lot of things in his time, but—­prim!

* * * * *

From a concert programme:—­

    “Recitatif et Grand air D’oedipe a Cologne.”

It was after the long march to the Rhine, no doubt, that the hero acquired the nickname of “Swellfoot.”

* * * * *

THE DREAM TELEPHONE.

  I go to bed at half-past six
  And Nurse says, “No more funny tricks;”
  She takes the light and goes away
  And all alone up there I stay.

  And, as I lie there all alone,
  Sometimes I hear the telephone;
  I hear them say, “Yes, that’s all right,”
  Then, “Buzz, buzz, buzz,” and then “Good-night.”

  And sometimes as I lie it seems
  That people come into my dreams;
  I hear a bell ring far away,
  And then I hear the people say: 

  “Have you a little girl up there,
  The room that’s by the Nursery stair? 
  We are the people that she knew
  Before she came to live with you.

  “Tell her we know she bruised her knee
  In falling from the apple-tree;
  Tell her that we’ll come very soon
  And find the missing tea-set spoon.

  “She knows we often come and peep
  And kiss her when she’s fast asleep;
  We think you’ll suit her soon all right.” 
  Then, “Buzz, buzz, buzz,” and then, “Good-night.”