“What’s the matter?” quo’ I, pretending ignorance of the haill concern.  “What, in the name of Nebuchadnezzar, has set ye thegither by the lugs?” Then Mr. Weft began his tale, how he had been collared and weel nigh thrappled in his ain shop;—­then the ither tauld how, in the first place, Mr. Weft’s grandfather, as he ca’d Nosey, had stolen his note, and how, in the second place, Mr. Weft himsell had insulted the great, grand Duke of Argyle.  In a word, there was a desperate kick-up between them, the ane threeping that he would tak the law of the ither immediately.  Na, in this respect Donald gaed the greatest lengths, for he swore that, rather than be defeat, he wad carry his cause to the house of lords, although it cost him thretty pounds sterling.  I now saw it was time to put in a word.

“Houts-touts, gentlemen,” quo’ I, “what’s the use of a’ this clishmaclaver?  Ye’ve baith gotten the wrang sow by the lug, or my name’s no William M’Gee.  I’ll wager ye a pennypiece, that my monkey, Nosey is at the bottom of the business.”

Nae sooner had I spoken the word, than the twa, looking round the shop, spied the beastie sitting upon the shelf girning at them, and putting out his tongue, and wiggle-waggling his walking-stick ower his left elbow, as if he had been playing upon the fiddle.  Mr. Weft at this apparition set up a loud lauch; his passion left him in a moment, when he saw the ridiculous mistake that the Heelandman had fa’en into, and I thocht he would hae bursted his sides wi’ evendown merriment.  At first Donald lookit desperate angry, and judging frae the way he was twisting about his mouth and rowing his een, I opined that he intended some deadly skaith to the monkey.  But his gude sense, of which Heelandmen are no a’thegither destitute, got the better of his anger, and he roared and lauched like the very mischief.  Nor was this a’, for nae sooner had he began to lauch, than the monkey did the same thing, and held its sides in precisely the same manner, imitating his actions, in the maist amusin’ way imaginable.  This only set Donald a lauching mair than ever, and when he lifted up his nieve, and shook it at Nosey in a gude humoured way, what think ye that the cratur did?  Odds man, he took the note frae his pouch, whare it lay rowed up like a baw, and, papping it at Donald, hit him as fairly upon the nose, as if it had been shot out of a weel-aimed musket.  There was nae resisting this.  The haill three, or rather the haill four, for Nosey joined us, set up a loud lauch; and the Heelandman’s was the loudest of a’, showing that he was really a man of sense, and could tak a joke as weel as his neighbours.