* * * * *

THE DUCHESS OF DEVONSHIRE.

As her Grace was one day rambling in the neighbourhood of Chiswick, she was overtaken by a violent storm, and accordingly took shelter, in a cottage where she happened to be unknown.  Among other topics she introduced with her usual affability, she asked the poor woman if she knew the Duchess of Devonshire?  “Know her, (answered the woman,) everybody has cause to know her here; never was there a better lady born.”  “I am afraid you are mistaken, (said her Grace); from what I understand of her, she is no better than she should be.”  “I am sure you are no better than you should be, (returned the poor woman,) to find fault with the Duchess; but you’ll never be worthy to wipe her shoes.”  “Well then, (rejoined her Grace,) I must be beholden to you, as they are at present very dirty.”  The good woman perceiving the awkward mistake, ran to perform the office with great humility, and received an ample reward.

* * * * *

KITCHEN CONUNDRUM.

  “Come Thomas,” says Kitty, “pray make us a pun,—­
  You’re goodnatured and never refuse;”

  “Ask coachee,” says Tom, “he’s the fellow for Fun,—­
  For he knows the way to a-mews.”

  Says coachee, “Why Thomas you puzzle my brains,
  For you never can bridle your wit;”

  “But how comes it, that I, tho’ exposed to the reins
  Ev’ry day, never suffer a bit?”

* * * * *

DEAR TIMES.

After the union with Ireland, when the Irish members had taken their seats, one of them, in the heat of his maiden speech, blustered out, “Now, dare Mr. Speaker,” which, of course, set the house in an immoderate fit of laughter.  When the tumult had subsided, Sheridan observed, “that the honourable gentleman was perfectly in order, since, thanks to the ministry, everything at that time was immoderately dear.”