Corps H.Q.’s reply to this was brief and witty.  They instructed the Adjutant to cast William under arrest.

William was furious.  PATLANDER.

* * * * *

From a speech at a St. Andrew’s Day dinner:—­

“The Navy have but recently had a partial reward in the unparralleled spectacle of the surrender of the bulk of the German fleet which run lies swigly in Scotish waters, which now lies snugly, as is meet and fittinf, in Scottish for ever.  Loud cheers.”—­South American Paper.

It is inferred that the printer was at the dinner.

* * * * *

Princess charming.

Once upon a time there was a Royal christening.

It was a very grand christening and the highest in the land were among the assembled guests.  There was more than one Royal Personage present, and many lords and ladies and ambassadors and plenipotentiaries and all manner of dignified and imposing people.

For it was a real Princess that was being christened, which is a thing that does not occur every day in the year.

Quite a number of fairies were there too.  Fairies are very fond of christenings, and there are always a good many of them about on these occasions.

They were very lavish in their gifts.

One gave the baby beauty; another gave her a sweet and gentle disposition; another, charm of manner; a fourth, a quick and intelligent mind.  She really was a very fortunate baby, so many and so varied were the gifts bestowed upon her by the fairy folk.

Last of all came the Fairy Queen.

She arrived late, having come on from a coster’s wedding in the East
End of London, a good many miles away.

She was rather breathless and her crown was a little on one side, indeed her whole appearance was a trifle dishevelled.

“Oh, my dear,” she murmured to her chief lady-in-waiting as she bustled lightly up the aisle, “I’ve had such a time.  It was a charming wedding.  The tinned-salmon was delicious, and there were winkles—­and gin.  I only just tasted the gin, of course, for luck, you know, but really it was very good.  I had no idea—­And there was a real barrel-organ, and we danced in the street.  The bride had the most lovely ostrich feathers.  The bridegroom was a perfect dear.  I kissed him:  I kissed everyone, I think.  We all did ...  Now what about this baby?” For by this time they had reached that part of the church where the ceremony was taking place.  “I suppose you’ve already given her most of the nice things?”

The lady-in-waiting rapidly enumerated the fairy-gifts which the fairies had bestowed upon the child.

The Queen looked at the baby.

“What a darling!” she said; “I must give her something very nice.”  She hovered a moment over the child’s head, “She shall marry the man of her choice,” she said, “and live happily ever after.”