Not, you’ll remark, the savage growl
    Of the exasperated bear,
  Nor the profound blood-curdling howl
    Of the gorilla in its lair;
  Nor yet the roar in civic broils
    That surges round a tyrant’s throne—­
  Oh, no, the organ voice of oils
    Is healthy in its undertone.

  O blessed jargon of the mart! 
    Though your commercial meaning’s hid
  From me, a layman, to my heart
    You bring a soothing nescio quid;
  Amid the flux of strikes and plots
    Two things at present stand like stone: 
  In mines the goodness of their spots,
    In oils their healthy undertone.

* * * * *

Extract from a recent story:—­

“Noiselessly we crept from the tent.  The sands, the sea, the cliffs, were bathed in silver white by a glorious tropical moon.  Noiselessly we levelled it to the ground, rolled it up, and carried it to the boat.”

And that night the Gothas were foiled.

* * * * *

“The subject of a war memorial was considered at a St. Sidwell’s, Exeter, parish meeting.  Many suggestions were offered, among them one that the present seating in the parish church should be replaced by plush-covered tip-up seats, such as are in use at kinemas and other places of entertainment.”—­Western Morning News.

If the suggestion is adopted it is presumed that the name of the church will be altered to St. Sitwell.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Father Murphy.  “MIKE, COME HERE AND HOLD THE MULE FOR A FEW MINUTES.”

Mike (not stirring).  “IT’S SORRY I AM, FATHER, BUT I DO BE DRAWIN’ THE OUT-OF-WORK MONEY, AND I DARE NOT HOULD HER.  BUT I’LL SAY ‘STAND’ TO HER FOR YOU, FATHER, IF I SEE HER ANYWAYS UNAISY.”]

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(BY MR. PUNCH’S STAFF OF LEARNED CLERICS.)

In Forty Days in 1914 (CONSTABLE), Major-General Sir F. MAURICE does more than revive our fading recollections of the retreat from Mons and the marvellous recovery on the Marne.  A careful study of the German documents relating to VON KLUCK’S dash for Paris has led the author to form a new theory to account for the German defeat.  Hitherto we have been asked to believe that VON KLUCK’S fatal change of direction, just when he seemed to have Paris at his mercy, was due to an urgent call for assistance from the CROWN PRINCE.  General MAURICE holds, on the contrary, that it was deliberately adopted, at a moment when the CROWN PRINCE’S army was undefeated, in the belief that the French Fifth Army could be enveloped and destroyed, in which event “the whole French line would be rolled up and Paris entered after a victory such as history had never yet recorded.”  Thus, not for the first time, a too rigid adherence