These remarks are borne out in a remarkable way by the latest news of STRAUSS.  It has always been very difficult to obtain precise intelligence about his works, owing to his notorious aversion from publicity, and we accordingly give this information with all reserve, simply for what it is worth.  It is to the effect that, while retaining the parts for three Minenwerfen in his new Battle Symphony, he has been obliged to re-score one movement in which four “Big Berthas” were prominently engaged, owing to the impossibility of securing any of these instruments since the Armistice.  He has, however, with admirable resource substituted parts for four influenza microbes.  There are no French horns in the score, but by way of showing a conciliatory spirit to the British army of occupation he has introduced in the Finale an adaptation of a well-known patriotic song, which is marked on the margin, “Die W.A.A.C. am Rhein.”

* * * * *

“HIGH LIFE BELOW STAIRS.”

    “Tablemaid (upper), elderly Countess; Scotland, England;
    good wage.”—­Scotsman.

* * * * *

    “ANGLING.

    “LOCH TAY.—­KILLIN.—­Mr. C.B. ——­, London, had on Beans and
    pease quiet and unchanged.  Feeding offals 17th one salmon,
    27 lb.”—­Scotsman.

But are these lures quite sportsmanlike?

* * * * *

From a “table of contents":—­

  “SPECIAL ARTICLES.

“The German ’Soul’—­To Rise Like a Phoenix ... 10
Rats ........................................ 10”

  Glasgow Herald.

Agreed; or, as they say in the House of Lords, “the Contents have it.”

* * * * *

KISMET.

Those old comrades, Sergeant Kippy and Gunner Toady, stood on the steps of the Convalescent Home and regarded the peaceful country-side which, in South Devon, is a sedative even in February.

Gunner Toady had come over for the day, and Kippy, as an inhabitant of the Home, had been exercising his prerogative of showing a guest over the estate.  During the great advance which proved to be the expiring effort of the Hun, the Gunner had acquired a shortened leg, which still caused him to revolt against sustained physical exertion.

He leant upon his stick and listened while Kippy the indefatigable drew up a programme of a further tour to some outlying buildings.

“And you ’aven’t seen the melin-’ouse,” concluded that worthy, enthusiastically waving his remaining arm in the direction of a far shrubbery.

“Melin-’ouses in Febuary is lugoobrious,” said the Gunner; “we’ll remain at the chatoo.”

Kippy sat down on the top step.

“Curious,” he said, “to think there ain’t no war on.  Makes you feel idle.  Remember that day at Coolomeers (Coulommiers), when we first got interdooced?” The Gunner nodded. “’Bout a thousand years ago that was, an’ not ‘alf a beano—­’orse, foot and guns; no stinks, no blinkin’ fireworks and old VON KLUCK gettin’ ’ome pronto.”