When Julius Caesar landed here,
  I was then a little deer;
  When Julius Caesar reigned king,
  Round my neck he put this ring;
  Whoever shall me overtake,
  Spare my life for Caesar’s sake.

Ruris.

* * * * *

When Lord Norbury was applied to by a collector of one of the local taxes for the amount of tax, his lordship said, he had already paid it, and on looking to his file, discovered a receipt, signed by the same collector who then applied for it.  The tax-man, confounded, apologized in the best manner he could, stating his regret that he did not recollect it.  “I dare say,” said my lord, “you are very sorry you did not re-collect it.”

* * * * *

IN KENSINGTON CHURCHYARD.

“Here are deposited the remains of Mrs. Ann Floyer, the beloved wife of Mr. Richard Floyer, of Thistle Grove, in this parish, died on Thursday the 8th of May, 1823.

“God hath chosen her as a pattern for the other Angels.”

* * * * *

IN DUNDEE CHURCHYARD.

  “Here lies the body of John Watson,
  Read not this with your hats on,
  For why?  He was the Provost of Dundee,
  Hallelujah, hallelugee.”

* * * * *

NEW MEASURE.

Shortly after the introduction of the New Weights and Measures, an innkeeper in a market-town, not far from Sudbury, in Suffolk, sent his ostler to a customer with a quantity of liquor, which he delivered with the following words:—­“Marstur bid me tell ye Sar, as how ’tis the New Infarnal Measure.”

* * * * *

A farmer calling upon his landlord to pay his rent, apologized for being late, by saying that his illness prevented his attending earlier, and he did not know what his disorder was.  The gentleman told him it was “Influenza.”  Returning home he was met by the schoolmaster of the village, who inquired after his health, “I am very poorly,” replied the farmer, “my landlord tells me my complaint is Humphry Windsor.”

* * * * *

A witness on a trial being interrogated by Judge Willis, in a manner not pleasing to him, turned to an acquaintance, and told him in a half whisper, “he did not come there to be queered by the old one.”  Willis heard him, and instantly replied, in his own cant, “I am old ’tis true—­and I’m rum sometimes—­and for once I’ll be queer—­and I send you to quod.”

H.B.A.

* * * * *

An exciseman whose remarks and answers were frequently rather odd, riding at a quick pace upon a blind pony, was met by a person who praised the animal much, “Yes,” replied the officer, “he is a very good one, only he shies at every thing he sees.”