This Is the End eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 164 pages of information about This Is the End.

This Is the End eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 164 pages of information about This Is the End.

“This morning,” said Kew, “when I looked out, I felt the futility of bed, so I made an assignation with the Hound when I met it trooping along with Russ in single file to the bathroom.  Why does your Hound always accompany you there, Russ?  Dogs must think us awfully irrational beasts, and yet—­does that Hound really think you could elope for ever and be no more seen, with nothing on but pyjamas and a towel?  I suppose he thinks ’You can’t be too careful.’  It makes one humble to live with a dog.  I always blush when I see a dog dreaming, because I’m afraid they give us an undignified place in their dreams.  Your Hound, Russ, dreams of you plunging into the Serpentine after a Canadian Goose, with your topper floating behind you, or Anonyma with her tongue hanging out, scratching at a little mousehole in Piccadilly.  It is humiliating, isn’t it?  Anyway, before breakfast, Russ’s Hound and I went and jumped over things in the Gardens.  The park-keeper mistook us for young lambs.”

Russell’s Hound was called so by courtesy, in order to lend him a dignity which he lacked.  He may have been twelve inches high at the shoulder, and he thought that he was exactly like a lion, except for a trifling difference in size.  Dignity is not, of course, incompatible with small stature, but I think it was the twinkling gait of Mr. Russell’s Hound that robbed him of moral weight, and prevented you from attaching great importance to his views.

“Young lambs!” exclaimed Mrs. Gustus.  “Really, my good Kew, had you nothing better to do?”

“Not at that time,” replied Kew.  “You weren’t up.”  And he sang to drown her sigh.  Kew was the only person I ever knew who really sang to the tune of his moods.  He sang Albert Hall sort of music very loudly when he was happy, and when he was extremely happy he roared so that his voice broke out of tune.  When he was silent it was almost always because he was asleep, or because some other member of the Family was talking.  When, by some accident, the whole Family was simultaneously silent, you could not help noticing what an oppressively still place London was.  The sound of Russell’s Hound sneezing in the hall was like a bomb.

But at the present moment Kew only sang a few bars of Beethoven in a small voice.  He was rather sad, because of Jay.  He had not realised till he came home how very thoroughly Jay had disappeared.  He led the conversation to Jay.  It often happened that Kew led conversations, because conversations, like the public, generally follow the loudest voice.

“Why so sudden?” asked Kew, apparently of the Round Pond, so loud was his voice.  “That’s what I can’t make out.  She used to be such a human sort, and anybody with half an ear could hear the decisions bubbling about under the lid for weeks before they boiled over.”

Everybody—­even Cousin Gustus—­knew that he was talking of Jay.  Kew said so much that he might be excused for forgetting occasionally what he had not said.  Besides, he had talked of little else but Jay since he rejoined his Family two days before.

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This Is the End from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.