Wednesday, March 19th.—­Lord MALMESBURY, who has lately been the victim of a burglary, attributed it to housebreakers having been demobilised before policemen.  Whether this was done on the ground that they conducted “one man businesses,” or because someone in Whitehall assumed that the wielders of the centre-bit must be “pivotal,” I do not know, but an Army Order requiring Commanding Officers to keep the balance even between criminals and coppers seems to be urgently needed.

The Bishops were delighted to hear from Lord ERNLE that his department includes a Hop-Controller, and are going to ask him to turn his attention to the Jazz.

Museums could not be opened just yet, said Lord STANMORE, because some eight thousand officials of various departments were at present lodged in these buildings.  To judge by the comments of the public Press, there are several hundreds more who ought to be kept there.

Thursday, March 20th.—­Lord WINTERTON wanted to know what the Government was doing to counteract Mr. BERNARD SHAW’S alleged anti-British propaganda in the United States.  Mr. CECIL HARMSWORTH thought Professor OMAN’S recent memorandum would prove a sufficient counterblast.  He had, however, no objection to adding Mr. SHAW’S latest pamphlet to “the large budget of Shavian literature” already at the Foreign Office, where, it is said, the clerks on night-duty like to beguile their leisure with light fiction.

Late in the evening Mr. BONAR LAW announced the intentions of the Government with regard to the coal industry.  It would adopt Mr. Justice SANKEY’S report, giving the men a large portion of their demands.  If the miners still persisted in striking—­well, the State would strike too, with all its might; otherwise there was an end of government in this country.  The cheers which greeted this statement seriously annoyed Mr. JACK JONES, who sits for Silvertown, and maintains the explosive reputation of his constituency.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE CROWN OF OLD KING COAL.

TRYING IT ON.]

* * * * *

THE CROSSING-SWEEPER.

  Five years ago he swept the snow,
  Or the mud, or the dust or the leaves that blow,
    Or stood at the corner “dossing”;
  Picking up rubbish and dangerous rind
  That careless people had left behind,
        He swept the crossing.

  And still he sweeps and clears the way
  In blizzard and mist and soaking spray,
    Out on the Channel tossing;
  Picking up mines of a devilish kind
  That unscrupulous people have left behind,
        He sweeps the crossing.

* * * * *

    “COAL STRIKE POPSTONED.”

    Provincial Paper.

Much the best thing to do with it.

* * * * *

DRAMATISTS TO THE RESCUE.