Well, next comes the Emperor of Russia.  He had once been Napoleon’s friend; but he got angry because our Emperor didn’t marry a Russian woman.  So he backs up our enemies the English.  Napoleon had long intended to pay his respects to those English ducks in their own nests, but something had always happened to prevent, and it was now high time to make an end of them.  So he finally got angry himself, and said to us:  “Soldiers!  You have been masters of all the capitals of Europe except Moscow, which is the ally of England.  In order to conquer London, as well as the Indies, which belong to London, I find it necessary to go to Moscow.”

Well, there assembled then the greatest army that ever tramped in gaiters over the world; and the Emperor had them so curiously well lined up that he reviewed a million men in a single day.

“Hourra!” shout the Russians.  And there they were—­those animals of Cossacks who are forever running away, and the whole Russian nation, all complete!  It was country against country—­a general mix-up, where everybody had to look out for himself.  As the Red Man had said to Napoleon, “It’s Asia against Europe.”

“All right!” replied the Emperor, “I’ll take care.”  And then came fawning on Napoleon all the kings of Europe,—­Austria, Prussia, Bavaria, Saxony, Poland, Italy,—­all flattering us and going along with us.  It was splendid!  The French eagles never cooed as they did on parade then, when they were held high above all the flags of Europe.  The Poles couldn’t contain themselves for joy, because the Emperor intended to set them up again as a nation—­and for that reason the French and the Poles have been like brothers ever since.

“Russia shall be ours!” cried the army.

We crossed the frontier,—­the whole lot of us,—­and marched, and marched, and marched.  No Russians!  At last we found the rascals, camping on the bank of the Moscow River.  That’s where I got my cross; and I take leave to say that it was the damnedest of battles!  Napoleon himself was worried, because the Red Man had appeared again and had said to him, “My son, you are going too fast; you will run short of men, and your friends will betray you.”  Thereupon the Emperor proposed peace; but before the treaty was signed he said to us, “Let’s give those Russians a drubbing!”

“All right!” said the army.

“Forward!” shout the sergeants.

My clothes were going to pieces and my shoes were all worn out from tramping over the bad roads out there, but I said to myself, “Never mind; since this is the last of the rumpus, I’ll make ’em give me a bellyful!”

We were drawn up near the edge of the great ravine—­in the front seats!  The signal was given, and seven hundred pieces of artillery began a conversation that was enough to bring the blood from your ears.  Well, to do justice to one’s enemies, I must admit that the Russians let themselves be killed like Frenchmen.  They wouldn’t give way, and we couldn’t advance.