You don’t expect a man never to remember more than the first three lines of the first verse, and to keep on repeating these until it is time to begin the chorus.  You don’t expect a man to break off in the middle of a line, and snigger, and say, it’s very funny, but he’s blest if he can think of the rest of it, and then try and make it up for himself, and, afterward, suddenly recollect it, when he has got to an entirely different part of the song, and break off, without a word of warning, to go back and let you have it then and there.  You don’t—­well, I will just give you an idea of Harris’s comic singing, and then you can judge of it for yourself.

HARRIS (standing up in front of piano and addressing the expectant mob):  “I’m afraid it’s a very old thing, you know.  I expect you all know it, you know.  But it’s the only thing I know.  It’s the Judge’s song out of Pinafore—­no, I don’t mean Pinafore—­I mean—­you know what I mean—­the other thing, you know.  You must all join in the chorus, you know.”

[Murmurs of delight and anxiety to join in the chorus.  Brilliant performance of prelude to the Judge’s song in “Trial by Jury” by nervous pianist.  Moment arrives for Harris to join in.  Harris takes no notice of it.  Nervous pianist commences prelude over again, and Harris, commencing singing at the same time, dashes off the first two lines of the First Lord’s song out of “Pinafore.”  Nervous pianist tries to push on with prelude, gives it up, and tries to follow Harris with the accompaniment to the Judge’s song out of “Trial by Jury,” finds that doesn’t answer, and tries to recollect what he is doing, and where he is, feels his mind giving way, and stops short.]

HARRIS (with kindly encouragement):  “It’s all right.  You’re doing very well, indeed—­go on.”

NERVOUS PIANIST:  “I’m afraid there’s a mistake somewhere.  What are you singing?”

HARRIS (promptly): “Why, the Judge’s song out of Trial by Jury.  Don’t you know it?”

SOME FRIEND OF HARRIS’S (from the back of the room):  “No, you’re not, you chucklehead, you’re singing the Admiral’s song from Pinafore.”

[Long argument between Harris and Harris’s friend as to what Harris is really singing.  Friend finally suggests that it doesn’t matter what Harris is singing so long as Harris gets on and sings it, and Harris, with an evident sense of injustice rankling inside him, requests pianist to begin again.  Pianist, thereupon, starts prelude to the Admiral’s song, and Harris, seizing what he considers to be a favorable opening in the music, begins:]

HARRIS: 

  “‘When I was young and called to the Bar.’”

[General roar of laughter, taken by Harris as a compliment.  Pianist, thinking of his wife and family, gives up the unequal contest and retires:  his place being taken by a stronger-nerved man.]

THE NEW PIANIST (cheerily): “Now then, old man, you start off, and I’ll follow.  We won’t bother about any prelude.”